Call it What You Want
by HerNamewasAlice
Summary: Kylo knows that he shouldn't have feelings for his younger cousin let alone getting her knocked up when she was still in high school. Messed up? Yes. Sick? Yes. Demented? Of course. Call it what you want it
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I present you something different. Something out there. Something controversial. Nevertheless, if you're interested, read**

* * *

Kylo knows that he shouldn't be having feelings for his younger cousin let alone getting her knocked up when she was still in high school. Messed up? Yes. Sick? Yes. Demented? Of course. Call it what you want it was everything but abuse. Because he loves his girl, loves her more than life itself.

Everyone knows of her pregnancy now. She's three months in and she can no longer hide it underneath thick sweaters and baggy pants. But what they didn't know was who was the father.

"I'll help Rey raise the baby," he says to them - to their family and their friends.

But his words aren't enough for his parents or Uncle Luke. "We must find the coward who got her pregnant," Leia's voice is hard. "He should take responsibility in being part of his child's life. That's the least he can do."

His ears burned. He became frozen from the guilt that was consuming him as his parents and Uncle Luke continued on their conversation.

"I'm going to beat that fucker's ass for taking advantage of her," Han said through gritted teeth.

"I should have given her more talks about respecting her body - about having good judgement - about how boys say anything to get what they want," Leia frowned. She loved her niece, loved her as if Rey was her own daughter.

The sad part is this was the longest that his parents talked to one another in years. His parents were estranged since Kylo was fifteen. It's been ten years - ten years they separated.

"How do you think I feel?" Uncle Luke sighed. "All of this happened under my nose. I'm the principal at her school -I never saw her with any boy but I should have kept a better eye on her I gave her too much freedom."

"But Rey didn't get pregnant at your school. She got pregnant at the new school," Leia corrected. "She's not that far along. She's only three months pregnant."

"It's still my fault. I should have kept a better eye on her - visited her more."

Seeing them distressed made him feel worse. Like scum. They're yelling and blaming themselves unaware that the they were in the same room with man that got their sweet Rey pregnant. The evidence was all there in front of them but they were blind. Rey was getting bullied for being the principal's daughter and so Luke had to transfer her to another high school. He picked out a prestigious school for her, a private school for that matter but it wasn't local. It was in Kylo's city, fifteen miles away. Kylo agreed for Rey to live with him during the school year. To Kylo's offense, he never wanted Rey to live with him but his uncle begged - begged to have his precious daughter be under a trusted care.

"I'll help raise the baby," he says again, firmer this time. "I'll take care of the baby while she goes to school. I'll provide for the baby."

Leia weakly smiled. "You're such a good son," she says, touching his hair.

"Luke, what are you going to do now? She's going to get bullied at her new school too," Han acknowledged it to him.

Kylo's eyes widened from the realization.

"I'll transfer her to a school with more students that are in her... situation," Luke frowned. "After she gives birth, I'll transfer her to another school, preferably closer to me."

"But who will watch the baby?" Kylo asked. He took a step closer as his jaw twitched in panic. Luke's going to take his Rey away and his baby. "You have long hours - it's more reasonable to have her stay closer with me," Kylo explained. "After she gives birth, transfer her to another school in my city. My hours are flexible -

"But you were the one that failed to keep an eye on her," Luke's voice was cold.

* * *

After the heated family meeting, he goes home.

Rey was still at her model united nations meeting and wouldn't be home until nine something. He makes dinner for her when she comes back. Tonight her friend Rose was going to drop off and so Kylo wants a nice hot meal waiting for her when she gets back. He makes roasted vegetables and grilled chicken and even finishes washing every dish he had used to prepare the meal.

He waits for her but he knows he wouldn't be eating much. He was still shaken from the family meeting - that there's a strong possibility that Rey will be transferred into another school once she gave birth. She's not eighteen. She's sixteen going on seventeen but she's not eighteen. She doesn't have a say in any of this. She was still a minor.

Kylo cursed out loud. He grabbed several thick hard cover books and tore them apart, binding and all. He screams out of anger in himself and his Uncle and the situation. He screams at the mess he had put her in - at the pain he had put for his unborn child. He threw the dismembered books at the walls one by one and then anything else he could grab.

He screamed until he was red and began to punch the walls.

"You're a selfish coward," he screams at himself.

But no was there to say otherwise.

Because he is. He got his cousin pregnant. He failed to be careful with her. There are so many contraceptives available - he failed her and he failed his Uncle.

The frenzy continues for a while until he calms himself down.

He goes outside for a cigarette to settle his nerves.

The cigarette burns out so fast now. He reaches and lights up another. And then another.

"You shouldn't smoke," Rey says gently. Her words aren't a suggestion, they were an order.

Kylo shrugged and reached to light up another cigarette. "You shouldn't be around me," he countered. "Our baby shouldn't be around smoke." That was the last thing their baby needed. There's already a possibility that their baby could be born with a health defect. The last thing their baby needed was another one.

Rey's eyebrows furrowed. She doesn't like the way he says it, as if that she shouldn't be around him at all. She snatches up the cigarette and takes it out on the ashtray. She places her fingers against his cheeks, "Look at me," she says firmly.

He shakes his head. "No."

"I don't regret this," she tells him still. Vocally.

He looks up at her. His gaze is soft and doe eyed, like a puppy.

"I don't," she breathed. She took deep breaths as she placed her nose against his. She remained still, letting him hear her heartbeat.

His fingers latch on to her, one on her waist and the other on her belly. "I don't either."

* * *

 **A/N: tbh I'm still worried about how readers will react to this even though I posted this on another site and was perceived well.**


	2. Chapter 2

They were eight years apart.

They grew up together.

Her mom died when she was a few months old. Died from a drunk driver. And her dad, he was always working. Before he became principal he was an engineering professor at the city's community college as well as head of his department and highly respected in his field. Naturally he was busy and as a single father he needed help and so Han and Leia helped watched Rey.

Her childhood if she was asked, was a nice one. Sure it was unconventional but she was around people who loved her.

Well almost a nice one.

As they both grew up, Han and Leia drifted.

When she was six and Ben was fourteen, the two separated and by the next year they finalized their divorce. Rey was only a child then but she remembered being relieved her Uncle Han and Aunt Leia finally divorced for she grew up watching their little teasing turn into vicious fights over the years. She remembers numerous times being terrified at the sounds of their screaming.

But for Ben, he didn't take his parents' divorce well for the following year he ran away from home. He was sixteen when he ran away, fed up from going back and forth to different homes and being caught between them. Rey was eight when he left. It broke her heart that he did for he cut off all ties with his family. Aunt Leia and Uncle Han tried finding him but Ben was a bright boy and knew how to hide, just like her. Whenever his mom and dad fought, they fought without holding back. Hell, they would even fight in front of them and so Rey and Ben would hide together until it was over.

When he left, he didn't just leave his parents - he left her, left her without any way to contact him and left her on her own.

When he did come back, she was fifteen years old. And he was twenty three. He had let seven years pass and everything had changed.

* * *

 _Fifteen and Twenty Three/_

 _It was Thanksgiving when Rey officially sees him._

 _He had come back into their lives (the family) three months ago but this was the first time they would see him in person opposed to communicating with him through email and texts._

 _She was excited, fumbling in anticipation to see her cousin again. He was more than just her cousin, he was her older brother and her friend. She was an only child and it was hard for her to build friendships due to having an overprotective dad. Her whole childhood consisted of school and going to Aunt Leia's house until her dad picked her up. She had friends at school but was never allowed to spend time with them outside of that. She was on a few sports teams from time to time - soccer and tennis but her dad never let her go out with her teammates for ice cream or parties. Her childhood was a very small world and Ben was the only person that was in it. They played together even though he was older He helped her with her homework too._

 _Rey spends the whole day cooking. It was her year to have Thanksgiving at her house. It's been like that for the past three years, she and Aunt Leia rotated events. She gets Thanksgiving while Aunt Leia gets Christmas. Being an only child with a dad that's always working made her independent and fond of cooking. Rey's been packing her dad's lunch and preparing their meals ever since she was nine after being tired of living on take out and frozen dinners. She had meal prepped the night before to make things go by smoothly. The turkey's in the oven all seasoned and marinated from the night before while the potatoes are boiling to be mashed. She's rolling up pie crusts now - she's going to make pumpkin pie and apple pie from scratch. Everything was in scratch even the gravy and cranberry stuffing. Even the biscuits and cornbread._

 _"Do you need any help, sweetheart?" her dad asks as he entered the kitchen, dragging along a vacuum cleaner._

 _"No I'm fine," she says as she hummed. "Did you finish vacuuming?"_

 _"Yes -_

 _"How about the dining room?"_

 _"I forgot that," he chuckled. "Are you sure you don't need help? I know I'm not a good cook but I'm pretty good at chopping things. I don't see a salad anywhere. I can do that."_

 _"I already chopped all the vegetables and herbs last night. Ten minutes before they come we'll just toss everything in a bowl. And pour apple cider into the glasses."_ _"I can set the table -_

 _"I already did," Rey laughed as she pressed the pie crust into the tin. "I folded the napkins into turkeys this year."_

 _Luke sighed. "I'm sorry your father is helpless, Rey."_

 _She laughed. "It's okay dad. I like doing these things." Rey did. She liked helping around the house."Just relax dad. Watch some football or something."_

 _"That's Uncle Han's department."_

 _They both laughed._

 _"Can you switch CDs for me then? I want to listen to a different artist."_

 _"Which CD?" he asked in amazement at the stacks of CDs on the counter._

 _Rey shrugged. "Any. Just no Christmas music. That's too early."_

* * *

 _Her favorite part of Thanksgiving is setting the food on the table, minutes before her relatives arrive. That's the only good part about a holiday built on a lie and abuse and slaughter of many innocent Native Americans._

 _She barely sees her Aunt and Uncle now since she's older. At twelve, she decided she was too old to have a babysitter and after months of persisting, her dad allowed her to be her own and walk herself home opposed to being picked up. Rey likes this arrangement better. She likes taking care of the house and making healthy meals for her dad to come home to. And she likes being allowed to have a friend over from time to time (but her dad has to meet the friend beforehand and has to be a female)._

 _"You should probably get dressed. You don't want to be the only one in sweats and flour do you?" her dad says as he helped her carry the turkey and prime rib._

 _"Don't you dare eat the cookie dough!" she says as she ran to her room. "That's not good for you!"_

 _But her Luke does anyway._

 _She washes her face in quick cold splashes and wipes her face furiously in the guest towels. She knows she shouldn't but she does so anyway. She gets that part from her dad. Rey puts on some rosy tinted chapstick and mascara and powder. She's not supposed to wear makeup until she's sixteen and so she does subtle things. Her dad never notices._

 _Rey puts her hair down and puts on most comfortable outfit She wants to be presentable for she hadn't seen Ben in a long time but she also wants to be comfy too. She pulls on a cream shirt, blue jeans, and a thick knitted dusty rose cardigan._

 _When she hears Uncle Han cursing, that's when she sprints to greet him. "You brought Chewie!" she beamed, going on her knees to greet the old German Shepard._

 _Uncle Han mumbled. "He can turn on the TV but he can't sit," he said as he tugged on the leash. "Stay!"_

 _Rey laughed and wrapped her arms around the old dog. Drool was running down his mouth and on to the floor but she didn't care. "He's a sweetheart," she laments._

 _"Where can I put this beast?"_

 _"In the corner," Luke says. He tosses a used up bone that was used to make gravy. Tosses in that direction. Han immediately lets go of the leash and lets the beast go for the morsel of a treat._

 _"Stop greeting that dog and give your Uncle a hug! Rey you're getting so big now!"_

 _"I'm sorry Uncle," she squeezed him then._

 _He lifted her up and twirled her around. "I haven't seen you in four months and now look at you. You promised me you would stop growing and stay a little girl forever but here you are, a beautiful young woman." He puts her back on the ground. "Hey Luke, you have to watch out. All the boys will be making a beeline for her and singing loves songs before you know it."_

 _Luke frowned._

 _Han hushes up very quick. "So, where's your sister?"_

 _Luke shrugged. "She's on her way."_

 _"She's usually here first," he scoffed. "She's -everything smells good," he interrupted himself after inhaling the scent of roasted vegetables and seared meat._

 _"Thank you, I'm very happy that it's to your standards," Rey said, repressing herself from smiling. "How about Ben? When is he coming?"_

 _Han shrugged. "Beats me. I've hadn't had control on him since his balls dropped."_

* * *

 _Leia arrives twenty minutes later but alone._

 _Rey did her best to conceal herself._

 _An hour passes but Ben's nowhere to be found._

 _"Did anybody text him?" she asks. She couldn't help but frowned. What if...what if he changed his mind and is not coming? She shouldn't be surprised. She hadn't seen him in seven years. What's another year to that?_

 _"You know how Ben is," Leia sighed. "In one ear and out the other, just like his father."_

 _Han's jaw twitched. "Listen here, Princess -_

 _"Han," Luke said underneath his breath._

 _Han glared at Leia but kept quiet. The last thing they needed was another fight._

 _Even Chewie was getting restless. He had devoured the bone and now was fumbling around._

 _Luke turns on the TV for the dog._

 _"You should text him," Luke tells his daughter._

 _Rey's face fell. "I don't have his number."_

 _"Really?" Leia asked._

 _"He never gave it to me," she said. She wanted to say: You guys never gave me his number. But Rey doesn't. She doesn't want to ruin today._

 _"We should eat. The food's getting cold," Han tells her._

 _Leia rolled her eyes. "All you ever care about is food."_

 _"Yes when the past how many years I've been with you I was served shitty meals."_

 _"Han," Luke's voice was stern._

 _"Luke I'm not going to keep quiet while this woman keeps -_

 _There's a knock on the door._

 _Ben._

 _Rey immediately went to the door but Leia is the one that greets him first. "Ben - I haven't seen you in so long. I missed you so much," Leia says as she embraced her son. "I can barely recognize you. You were boy when I last saw you."_

 _Rey and Luke stood there as Ben's parents swarmed around him. They stayed behind for they didn't want to ruin the reunion. They watched and Leia and Han hugged him a hundred times - kisses him too. There's tears in Leia's eyes while Han's holding them back._ _She examines the sight - the sight of him. His eyes are dull as his parents show him affection. He seems disconnected, disinterested. Her skin tightened. This...this wasn't what she was expecting. She expected to see him smile and apologize for all the years he had been gone but instead he's standing there in silence as if a bystander._

 _She barely recognizes him too._

 _Ben's taller now if you could believe it. He was already tall when she last saw him but now he's taller. The scrawny thin boy she knew was now thicker and muscular and his ears that once stuck out have been grown in and under neck length hair. He seems so...intimidating. So unapproachable. His eyes are dark and indifferent and his mouth is set in a frown instead of a wide goofy smile. He's dressed in all black, boots and all. All he needs is a cape._

 _She blinked several times but he doesn't notice her._

 _Her dad greets him first._

 _And then it's her turn. "Hi," she breathed, nervously. She blushed for she sounded so weak, so shy._

 _"Hey," he says firmly._

 _"It's been a while," she adds._

 _"It has."_

 _She bit her lip. This...this was really awkward. This wasn't what she was expecting. She expected for him to scoop her up and twirl her around and make her laugh but he's not doing any of those things. Instead he's just standing there, his eyes boring into her. "So...what have you've been up to, Ben?"_

 _"Kylo," he corrected her. "It's Kylo now."_

* * *

 _The conversations over dinner comes and goes. Laughter and then silence. Stories and anecdotes and then nothing._

 _Everyone's eating and praising the food except for him._

 _"Ben, you should try the food," Leia says._

 _"For god sake, Leia he's a grown man now," Han mumbled._

 _"No, she's right," Kylo says politely. He puts some food on his plate._

 _Rey frowned. She knows that he's only doing this because he doesn't want his parents to fight._

 _But she's not complaining. Rey's thankful that Aunt Leia said something because she wants him to try the food. She wants to know what he thinks of it because some of the things she made like honey roasted carrots and apple pie and prime rib - are his favorite foods. She wanted to give him a warm welcoming. She spent the whole day preparing those dishes with love and care. Her body relaxes as she sees him reach over for those foods. It makes her feel better that there were somethings that didn't change about him._

 _She does her best not to seem too obvious that she was staring by engaging in Luke's conversation about working somewhere else._

 _The corner of her eyes, she watches him carefully cut up the meat._

 _She cooked the meat medium rare because that's his favorite type._

 _He brings the food to his mouth and chews it slowly. "This is good," he stated, pressing his fork into a piece of meat._

 _She couldn't help but to smile._

 _"Rey spent the whole day and the night before preparing it," Luke says proudly._

 _"Really?" he turned to look at her._

 _"Ye-ah," she stuttered. "It's nothing, I cook all the time."_

 _"I thought Uncle Luke bought food from a restaurant or something. This is really good Rey."_

* * *

 _After dinner, they went to the living room and had a conversation._

 _Rey and Luke were quiet as Leia and Han got reacquainted with their son._

 _"So how did you go to college without asking us for money?" Han asked._

 _"I had scholarships and I worked," Kylo said shrugging._

 _"You should have contacted us. We would have helped you," Leia frowned._

 _"It's alright. It's nothing mom."_

 _"No it's not. You've been taking care of yourself all this time. I'm your mother, Ben."_

 _"Kylo, it's Kylo," he corrected._

 _"I gave birth to you. I can call you whatever I want."_

 _Kylo doesn't say anything._

 _"What is your major?" Rey asked then._

 _"I'm a computer programmer. I graduated a few months ago. I have a job already."_

 _She bit her lip. He says it so robotically, word by word. Very cold. Distant._

 _"That's great," his parents both say._

 _"Where do you work at?" Luke asks._

 _"I work in the next city over."_

 _Rey sank back into the chair as the matter of formalities continued on._

* * *

 _Han leaves._

 _And then Leia._

 _To her surprise, Ben stays to help clean up._

 _"You don't have to help -_

 _"I want to," he insisted._

 _"But you have a long drive -_

 _"Someone has to help you. I'm surprised your dad isn't helping."_

 _"It's okay. He works hard. I want him to relax especially after eating all that turkey."_

 _"Your dad always leaves you around," he muttered._

 _She lets that slide. "How does it feel?" she asked as she stacked the plates. "Being back?"_

 _"It feels just the same," he sighed._

 _Rey wanted to ask him why did he come back but she doesn't. She's afraid that if she did he'll leave. He seems so tense, so unhappy. After all the things that happened, that stayed the same._

 _"You're in high school right?" he asked slowly as he swept the crumbs._

 _She nodded._

 _"Freshman?"_

 _"Sophomore."_

 _"Sorry."_

 _Rey laughed. "It's okay."_

 _"Do you like it?"_

 _"It's alright."_

 _"Your dad's thinking of working at your school. How are you holding up?"_

 _"It's okay. He wants to work to be closer to me. To make up for lost time."_

 _Kylo frowned. "He wants to keep an eye on you," he shook his head. "He's still the same, overprotective. Smothering."_

 _"It's a family thing. Your mom's just the same."_

 _His lips curve._

 _Was...was that a smile? Rey quickly stacked more of the plates together._

 _"High school's rough as it is. The last thing you need is your dad following you around. I don't know why he's thinking of working there. And also he makes less money."_

 _"He and I are just fine financially."_

 _"Does he still make you go to my mom's house?"_

 _She shook her head. "Nah. He and I agreed years ago that I'm too old for a sitter."_

 _He follows her to help her wash the dishes. "Did you like dinner?" she asks. She doesn't know exactly what to talk about. She hadn't seen him in years. He's a stranger._

 _"Yes, it was delicious," he said as he handed her a dish._

 _He washes while she dries them._

 _Like the good old days. She always followed him and tagged along even with his chores._

 _"I'll pack you some leftovers."_

 _They talked as they cleaned. It wasn't any deep conversation anything, they were getting reacquainted._

 _She packs him so food and follows him out to his car._

 _"Did you miss me?" she asks before the silence came._

 _He turned and stared at her. "Of course I did, why would you ask something like that?"_

 _Her cheeks went red. She felt stupid for asking but it was a valid question. Because right now it felt like she was talking to a dead man, a man who didn't give a damn about anything or anyone. "You left. You never called even though the house number never changed. You never wrote to me even though I never moved."_

 _"Rey you know I didn't want to be found."_

 _"You could have sent me a letter unaddressed," she tells him._

 _He chuckled. "You are very bad at keeping secrets."_

 _"Was," she corrected._

 _"What kind of secrets are you keeping?" he taunted._

 _"Nothing that concerns you."_

 _He rolled his eyes and smirked. "Okay Rey."_

 _"Why do you want to be called Kylo?"_

 _"Because I changed my name legally a while ago."_

 _Rey blinked several times. "You did?"_

 _He nodded nonchalantly. "Yes. Last name and all."_

 _"What's your name?" she crossed her arms and smirked._

 _"Kylo Ren."_

 _She burst out in laughter._

 _"It's not funny."_

 _"It's not - it's just so - I'm just not used to it. Does your name have a meaning?"_

 _"I just like the sound of it."_

 _"Why did you change your name?"_

 _"I didn't want to be a Solo or Skywalker anymore." His birth name was Benjamin S. Solo. S was for Skywalker._

 _There was something disheartening about it. That his parents who loved him so much also drove him away. "Why are you here then?"_

 _"I still care for our family Rey," his voice is low. "I'm older now. I figured it was time to come back."_

 _"You should have come back earlier."_

 _"Would it make a difference? I was busy with college and working part time. You guys would have barely see me."_

 _"Yes. Yes it would. Because at least we would get to talk to you."_

 _"Well it's too late. I can't change that."_

 _"I was hoping for a happy reunion," she spat out. "I was hoping you to be excited to see me."_

 _"I am excited."_

 _"You have a funny way of showing it. You just grunted. You didn't even hug me."_

 _He smirked. "Will a hug make little Rey better?" his tone is cold. He sounded amused._

 _"Stop talking to me like that. You know what I mean. You left. Everyone misses you. The least you can do is show them how much you missed them."_

 _"It's not exactly easy, Rey. This - today - it's overwhelming. I'm sorry if I can't act all fucking excited."_

 _She winced. It's strange hearing him curse in front of her. He never cursed in front of her before but then again the last time they saw each other she was eight years old. "I don't expect you to be happy with this - I just expected to be happy to see me." She blushed again. She must have sounded so conceited but she couldn't help it. She missed him and for years she imagined and hoped to see him again - to see his face light up. For him to be the same as before._

 _But he's not._

 _Kylo grabbed her by the wrist and gave her a firm hug. "There, happy?" he asked, releasing her._

 _"No."_

 _He scoffed and reached for something in his pocket. "I'll tell you what. Let's see a movie tomorrow. While everyone's all black Friday shopping we can have the theater to ourselves." He pulls out a cigarette and lights it in seconds._

 _This startles her - that her sweet cousin is someone entirely different. Her sweet cousin never did drugs. He never cursed in front of her. And he was always affectionate with her. "_ _I need to ask dad first if I can - and you shouldn't smoke."_

 _He laughed. "We're all going to die sometime. Why not speed up the process?"_

 _She rolled her eyes._

 _"I'm pretty sure your dad will let you go out with me. I'm not a boy anyways."_

 _"You're not? Then what are you?"_

 _He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean," he said as he exhaled the smoke. "I'm not some teenage boy or some 'bad seed' teenage girl that will influence you. I doubt he'll say no. If he does, tell him I'll pay."_

 _"Will you really pay?"_

 _"Yes I think I can scrape ten bucks from the cushions and cut up some coupons."_

 _"Shut up."_

 _"Language," he smirks._

* * *

 _To her surprise, her dad says yes. He even gives her Ben - er Kylo's number since Kylo forgot._

 _Well Rey shouldn't be surprised since it's with her cousin but usually he shuts down any type of going out. Even school events like her French Club meetings if they were in the night time._

 _She eagerly awaits for tomorrow._

* * *

 _Before Han and Leia's divorce, Rey and Ben had always been close._

 _For as long as she could remember, she was always following her cousin. He was like her older brother, the person she idolized the most. He was her guardian, her rock. She ran to him whenever she was scared and would bury her face into his chest._

 _"Rey what are you doing?" Kylo asked as he pushed her off of him._

 _"I just know that there's going to be a jump scare at any time," she said as she pressed her face on his bicep. She didn't care. There wasn't anyone in the theater but them. Everyone was Black Friday shopping._

 _"You're such a scaredy cat," he said as he popped some popcorn in his mouth. "Come on, you're too old for this - Rey, stop," he attempted to shake her off._

 _"I don't care," she said as she closed her eyes as she heard the movie character screaming in pain as the sound of sawing became louder and louder. "You used to let me use you as a shield all the time." She used to sneak into his bed all the time and cuddle with him._

 _"Yeah because you were a kid and you used to be cute."_

 _She lifted her head. "You don't think I'm cute anymore?"_

 _"No. You're annoying."_

 _She couldn't help but to flip him off._

 _"Oh yeah, that definitely helps your case," he said sarcastically._

 _"You're such an asshole." She crossed her arms and ignored him and instead focuses on the movie._

 _Minutes in, he nudges her._

 _She turned to look at him. "What?"_

 _"Popcorn?"_

 _"No thanks."_

 _He grabs a few pieces and place them in front of her mouth._

 _"No."_

 _"Eat."_

 _"No thank you."_

 _"Come on, I promise your dad I would feed you."_

 _She turned to look at him again. His expression had softened. He looked welcoming. She takes the food from his hand willingly. As the movie went on, she kept getting more popcorn from his lap. She becomes absorbed into the movie that she doesn't bother to look at what she was grabbing. She fumbles a bit, searching for the bin. "Sorry," she blurted the second she realized her fingers grazed his crotch._

 _"It's alright."_

* * *

 _A/n: next chapter will have the movie scene in Kylo's perspective (winks)_


	3. Chapter 3

In some states, it is legal to marry your cousin. Hell, they were living in a state that does allow it. California. They don't have to move up to another state for it and deal with paperwork and other laws. Living in a state that already allows it makes it much easier than trying to get appeal or being denied for not being a resident.

This reassures them. They're curled up on the couch, researching their options. Laptop on his lap with her resting on his shoulder.

First cousin marriage: allowed. Sexual relations: allowed. Sterility requirement to marry cousin: no. That means that they were allowed to have children together - that it was legal.

Researching this makes the both of them relax knowing that their relationship was common and even accepted.

They could even get married right now if they wanted to even though she's not yet eighteen- but they needed her dad's permission.

Kylo slumped down and sighed.

Almost perfect, almost.

Rey gently closed the laptop and took it from his hands. "It's okay," she assured him. "We can always wait until I'm eighteen."

He bit his lip. "I'm worried what's going to happen before that." That's what worries him. He wants to get some type of custody of Rey if Luke ever did find out.

Rey froze from the thought of being taken away with her newborn baby as her dad was in the process of filing a lawsuit against Kylo for sexual abuse on a minor. She doesn't want that to happen - she doesn't even want to think about it. Running away wasn't even an option even with her age.

He sensed her panicking and touched her cheek. "I'm not going to let anyone take you away from me."

"So does that mean we are keeping our plan?"

He nodded and pressed a kiss on her forehead.

Have the baby. Don't reveal who the father is. Wait until Rey's eighteen. Move a few hours a way - while staying in California.

A year and three months until she's eighteen.

That's all, it'll go by fast - right?

* * *

The night he came back, when he saw her - it wasn't love at first sight.

It wasn't instant.

No it was none of that.

 _Uncle Luke and mom aged to what he had expected, but his dad - his dad aged terribly. Sure his dad was older them but he looked frail, an old man already. Rey, it's kind of foolish and naïve, but he didn't imagine what she would look like years from now. For the last couple years he's been carrying this image he had of her, Rey - scraped knees and elbows, her hair in a messy ponytail, and scrawny and all. It didn't occur to him until now how that she wasn't a kid anymore._

 _Stood before him as he entered the hell hole was a young beautiful woman._

 _She had grown into her figure, the edges all softened and curved. Her hair was neat and flowing that set her wide eyes. At least she still had that, her big old green eyes._

 _He blinked as the image he had of her after all these years dimmed. It's weird to say - but he couldn't help but to be disappointed that she did grow up._

 _He barely looks at her during dinner. Because looking at her was a reminder of how much time had passed and how much he had missed in her life. And it makes him feel so guilty and shitty at the same time because she's not a little girl anymore. She's throwing dinners now and takes care of the house. She's in French Club and she's in honors and AP classes. And she always asks for permission for things and always goes home straight after school._

 _Uncle Luke is proud of her, Kylo knows for sure._

 _They all are._

 _For some reason Kylo feels horrified by the way she turned out._

 _Because to him, he doesn't see the ideal daughter/child, he sees a girl forced and conditioned to be an adult. As they ate, she's constantly going around filling up drinks and putting down more food and silverware._

 _And that is unsettling because she's a teenager. She's supposed to be finding herself - wearing what she's not supposed to wear, going where she's not supposed to be going, and acting out. Kylo's not saying that she should be going out wearing skimpy clothes and going out to clubs or anything but this is the time of her life that she's supposed to rebel against her over controlling dad. Not be so content in all of this._

 _It's strange because she still acts like a kid - she's all happy and obedient but she's acting like adult with the way she takes care of things._

 _Kylo took a sip of the apple cider wishing it was something stronger._

* * *

 _He lingers after Thanksgiving dinner is over. He stays behind because the whole time he's barely got the chance to speak to her - in peace. No interruptions from his parents. He helps her clean._

 _"Did you miss me?" she asked._

 _He paused and looked at her. "Of course I did," Kylo's eyebrows furrowed. He missed her so much. She was more than his cousin, she was like his little sister. His shadow, his buddy, his pal. It stings that she doesn't think he did. "Why would you ask something like that?"_

 _Her cheeks flushed into a shade of red._

 _He couldn't help but to take a step back in surprise. He's never seen her blush like that before - how her wide eyes go wider and then soften and shy away from his gaze._

 _They spoke to another then, back and forth. Exchanges become into him teasing her. He couldn't help it. He liked seeing her get riled up and frustrated. Because in those moments that she reacts, she breaks from this cookie cutter mold her dad has set her in. She gets unruly when he mocks her. She needs that, she needs change._

* * *

 _She still acts like a kid whenever she gets scared shitless. He couldn't help but to find it amusing. They're in the movie theater she's trying to hide. Kylo laughs at the sight._

 _"You're such a sadist," she muttered, hissing underneath her breath._

 _"Yeah, I am," he said as he pries her away from his chest. "Come on, it's just a movie."_

 _"There's going to be another jump scare I can feel it."_

 _"That's the fun part."_

 _She shakes her head. "Stop."_

 _She looks so cute when she's frightened. Ever since they were kids, she would always tag along with him and watch scary movies. She'd always get scared and ends up sneaking into his room. He and his parents didn't mind though, she was a kid then. But now, he's not much of a hugger. Avoids it as much as possible. Kylo bit his lip at the thought of who she went to when she was scared when he was gone._

 _Perhaps no one because she still looks at him as if he's her whole world._

 _They do more talking than watching. He gets her all riled up again. She flips him off three times and it's not even half of the movie yet. "Just eat your damn popcorn," he tells her._

 _She keeps touching his crotch thinking it's popcorn. He doesn't say anything though because he knows it's unintentional. She's so absorbed into the movie notice. He doesn't think much about it either. He should say something about it but he doesn't. He doesn't want to break her concentration because right now she's getting into it. He's kind of watching her more instead the movie,, more curious about her - wondering when did her baby fat go and when her freckles faded._

 _When the movie ends he decides to take her to McDonalds. "You still like Happy meals right?" he asks deliberately to get a reaction. It's funny because as kids, he never picked on her. He doesn't know why he's doing it now but he can't help it._

 _She rolled her eyes. "Yes and I want the pink toy, always."_ _She reaches to give him a hug._

 _Kylo moved away._

 _"Why don't you like hugs anymore?" she asked._

 _He shrugged. "Everyone's all huggy in college. I got sick of it. Don't be butt hurt or anything. I don't even like hugging or cuddling my girlfriend."_

 _"I feel bad for her. She has the most emotionless boyfriend ever."_

 _He thinks about asking her relationship status but he doesn't. He knows that she doesn't have a boyfriend and using that as a comeback would be a low blow. "I know I'm pretty lucky that there's someone that can put up with my crap," he smirked._

 _She chuckled as they walked into McDonalds. "What's her name?"_

 _"Julianne."_

 _"Do you have a picture of her? I want to see," she asked, there was excitement and awe in her voice._

 _He shows her without giving her a hard time._

 _"She's pretty," Rey said in awe. "How long have you guys been together?"_

 _"For about three years.. She's a computer programmer too."_

 _"Do you guys live together?"_

 _He shook his head. "She doesn't want to until we get married."_

 _"When are you guys going to get married?"_

 _Kylo tensed up from the question. "I just finished school a year ago. It's too soon to think about it. Of course in the future but honestly me and her are still too young. At two years from now. So what do you want, kid?"_

 _"Chicken nugget combo - the adult combo not the kiddy one."_

 _He scoffed. "Can you even finish that?" He remember when they were little. She would never finish her food and the Happy Meal portions are small too and he ended up finishing them for her, always._

 _"I assure you I can."_

 _Kylo laughed. "Okay, find us a seat, I'll get us the food."_

 _To mess with her, he pays for a toy on the side._

 _Rey scowled at him._

 _"Hey at least I got you the adult combo," he said as he placed the tray down._

 _"What am I supposed to do with this?"_

 _"Play with it."_

 _Rey immediately gave the toy to the nearest kid she could find. "It's better that I got that thing away as soon as possible before I chucked it at you."_

 _They both laughed._

* * *

 _The next day, he sees his girlfriend. They go to LA to try different types of food. "How was yesterday with your cousin?" Julianne asks as she took a bite out of the ramen burger. That's what he likes about his girlfriend. She's attentive and loves kids. Even though Rey's technically too old to be a kid, the way he spoke about her made Julianne feel like she known Rey forever too._

 _"It was nice. We just saw a movie and ate McDonalds. Poor kid, she actually had a good time. She said it was the best time she had this year," he laughed warily. "She never gets to go out. My uncle's a tiger dad."_

 _Julianne laughed as she flicked her curly red hair away from her face. "Well who can blame her? She hasn't seen you in years. Of course she enjoyed whatever hang out it was."_

 _"True. It's just so sad that she's so deprived."_

 _His girlfriend shrugged as she handed him the burger to try. "What can you do babe? She's not your kid."_

 _"I mean I can hang out with her more to give her some fresh air and all but she should be allowed to go out with her friends." He takes a big bite then. Bleh. This tasted like shit._

 _"Well you should hang out with her more. To make it up to her anyways. That's something at least."_

 _"Yes her hanging out with her cousin makes her such a normal kid if she was one of those children of the corn."_

 _She laughed. "It's better than nothing. Do you have a picture of her? As in a recent one other than the one in your wallet?" He's kept a picture of his family in his wallet since the day he left home. He still has it in his wallet after all these years._

 _"Yeah I do," he said as he pulled up his phone._

 _"Wow, she's beautiful. How old she? She can't be fifteen."_

 _"She's fifteen."_

 _"Shit. That's not fair. She skipped her awkward stage."_

 _Kylo laughed. "No, she definitely had her awkward stage but they were all before high school." He recalls how Rey always had bruised up knees and scabs. She used to pick at them too. He had to constantly scold her not to._

 _"Can you blame her dad? She's a pretty girl."_

 _He frowned. "That's not the point. I know he means well since his wife died but he has to let her venture out. She can't be kept bubbled from the world."_

* * *

"Rey, it's late. We should sleep," he tells her.

"Tomorrow it's still the weekend," she reminded him.

Kylo frowned. "You know your dad's likely going to drop by tomorrow. You need your rest for that."

She curled up against the couch. "Fine."

"No couch. Bed."

"Why?" she laughed. "What's the difference? This is closer."

"The bed is more comfortable."

"I'm _fine,"_ Rey laughed. "The baby's _fine_ too."

"I don't care. My babygirl and baby aren't going to sleep here."

"Kylo you're being ridiculo-

He snatched her up then, scooped her in his arms. To his surprise, she doesn't fight. Instead she wraps her arms around his neck and snuggled against his check. "Hey," he said. "Why aren't you resisting?" he asked as he took her to his room.

"This was my plan all along."

Kylo's mouth dropped. He laughed. "I would have dropped you right now on the floor if you weren't carrying my baby, do you know that kid?"

" _Mhm_."

"Smartass."

She stole a kiss on his nose then.

"Fuck. I hate it when you do that," he said as he laid her down. Carefully he crawled beside her and pulled her in into another embrace. He nuzzles her neck to get that sound that he liked so much. "Hmm, you're awfully quiet today." He draws out his tongue then and licked her throat before nipping at it.

Rey moaned from the warmth of his mouth. "Stop it, you cuddle monster!" she mumbled. She turned to him and kissed his mouth then. Over and over. Kisses that smile that was laced in.

He wrapped his legs around her tighter and smiled. He couldn't deny it. He liked cuddling her, liked feeling her all up while he was drowsy and relaxed. "Grr," he teases her as he kisses her eagerly. "I'm going to eat you up. Would you want that?"

"Yes, I do," she hid her face in his neck.

The night he came back, when he saw her - it wasn't love at first sight.

It wasn't instant.

No it was none of that.

It happened gradually over the course of nearly two years.

He didn't want to be attracted to her. He didn't want to have these thoughts and urges for her. He didn't want any of it - it just happened.

But now he can't stop loving her.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Why do you have so many pictures of Rey on your phone?" Julianne asks during the car ride to pick up Rey. They were going to go to some carnival and figured to have Rey tag along. She's looking through his phone and sees nothing but his cousin. She likes Rey but it's kind of odd that her boyfriend has so many pictures of his cousin._

 _Kylo laughed. "Anytime I take her out, her dad requires me to send him pictures periodically to make sure she's not somewhere else."_

 _"Oh fucking geez," she laughed._

 _"I told you he's super protective."_

 _"I know but that's so extreme."_

 _He shrugged as he kept his eyes locked on to the road. "That's Uncle Luke for you."_

 _"So why do you keep the photos though? Like why won't you delete them after you hang out with her?"_

 _He shrugged. "I don't know - she looks cute in them."_

* * *

 _"You've been spending a lot of time with Rey."_

 _Kylo couldn't help but to laugh. He was on top of his girlfriend, both naked and in the moment and then she ruins the mood. "Okay that's one way to ruin the mood," he said as he got off of her. He was about to lay beside her until she gestured him to sit on the bed instead. He sat up and so did she. Julianne covered herself with his sheets._

 _"I'm serious, Kylo. You've been spending time with her like almost every week now."_

 _He shrugged, unable to comprehend where she was going. "Well what can I say? I haven't seen her in years - I'm just trying to make up for lost time."_

 _"There's nothing wrong with that it's just it's kind of getting unhealthy."_

 _He raised his eyebrow. "What's unhealthy?"_

 _"How much you spend time with her. Friday nights are your family nights and Saturdays you spend the whole day with her. We barely see each other now."_

 _He raised his eyebrow. "I'm sorry if I'm putting my family first after all these years -_

 _"I didn't say that! I understand that you're trying to reconnect but I don't understand why you're devoting your Saturdays to her. You're more invested in her right now -_

 _"She's my family too -w_ _ait, are you jealous?" Kylo blinked._

 _"I'm not jealous -_

 _"I don't understand - every other Saturday we go on a date -_

 _"Yes but you bring her. It's kind of hard to have a relationship with someone tagging along."_

 _"I don't want her to be cooped up all the time. And Rey looks forward to spending time with me and she likes you."_

 _Julianne bit her lip. "I like her too. She's a very nice girl but -_

 _"But what?"_

 _"When you two are together - it's like I'm not there. All your focus goes on her."_

 _"She's my baby cousin that's why. I love her. I can't cut her off of my life again."_

 _"I'm not saying you should. I'm saying that we need more time together."_

 _He nodded. "I can do that - but what this Saturday? She was really looking forward to going to the amusement park."_

 _"We can still take her. But I'm thinking we should also take my nephew too. He's a year older and he's nice boy."_

 _Kylo blinked. "Wait - are you trying to set her up? She's not allowed to date."_

 _"A girl her age should date. It's better she dates now than being clueless and naïve in college. Besides my nephew Nathaniel is a nice boy. He's on the baseball team and has a job at a movie theater."_

 _He snorted. "Before you set up my cousin with anyone I would like to meet the boy."_

 _Julianne raised her eyebrow. "What are you trying to say about my family, Kylo?"_

 _"Nothing. I'm saying I don't trust any sex crazed boy around my cousin. She's very innocent. Very trusting."_

 _She laughed and touched his cheek. "You sound just like your uncle. Trust me. Nathaniel is sweet. He's not like the other boys."_

* * *

 _Nathaniel has fiery curly hair, just like his girlfriend. He has green eyes and is tall. He's lean but has some muscle due to baseball. He's very polite. Doesn't curse and seems to be interested in what Rey has to say._

 _Kylo doesn't trust the boy though._

 _He doesn't know why. Maybe it's in his DNA. He's a Skywalker and a Solo, the worst combination. Trust issues and temperament. His girlfriend nudged his shoulder. "Rey seems to like him," Julianne said as they observed them. They were walking into the amusement park, walking behind the two teenagers who were only a yard away._

 _Kylo scoffed and hooked his arm around Julianne. "Rey likes everyone. That doesn't mean she's interested," he mumbled._

 _"Quiet, they can hear," Julianne giggled._

 _He mumbled again, his eyes locking on to the fiery red hair boy, making sure the boy didn't reach for Rey's hand. "Well if they don't hit it off, they can always be friends," Kylo says._

 _Julianne laughed and quietly pointed. "Rey's hands are behind her back but you can tell she wants him to hold her hand."_

 _"Don't be ridiculous. She just met the boy. She's much reasonable than that."_

 _She awed. "You're so cute. You're so protective of your cousin."_

 _"I'm not being protective - I'm just being...concerned."_

 _Julianne laughed and nudged him to kiss her. He does so, instinctively. "Come on, let's leave them be. Let's go to the teacup ride -_

 _"I'm not going to leave her alone with him -_

 _"They'll be fine - come on, you're worse than your uncle."_

 _Kylo frowned and forced himself to nod. He has to spend some quality time with his girlfriend. He loves her and he has to make her happy. "Alright. Come on, let's go babe."_

* * *

 _He's unable to focus the whole day. The whole time he kept thinking about Rey and if she was alright. He kept worrying if Nathaniel will try to hold her hand or kiss her or feel her up. Kylo kept texting her throughout the day while he was supposed to enjoy the amusement park with his girlfriend. They ran into the teenagers twice. The first time Kylo caught Nathaniel about to put his arms around Rey until Kylo stopped it. The second time Nathaniel was about to give his jacket to Rey until Kylo interrupted to give Rey his leather jacket instead. Kylo each time would try to tag along but his girlfriend would pull him away._

 _"You have to learn to let go," Julianne said for the third time, pulling him the other direction. She stops him from going to them this time. The teenagers were several feet apart, lost in their own little world._

 _"I don't see why we can't all enjoy the amusement park together," he muttered as his teeth began to grit._

 _"We are," she laughed._

 _"No I mean with Rey and Nathaniel."_

 _"Come on, you have to admit they look cute together."_

 _Kylo grumbled and rolled his eyes. "No, he's too old for her."_

 _"They're only a year apart!" Julianne laughed._

 _"I don't care. A year is still a big difference. I don't think she's ready to date yet."_

 _"Well it's going to happen sometime."_

 _"It doesn't mean now."_

 _Julianne kissed his cheek. "Come on, stop sulking. Your little Rey has to grow up sometime."_

* * *

 _Kylo doesn't see Rey again until later that evening, where everyone was waiting for fireworks. He finds her standing in the crowd across from him and Julianne. She was still wearing his jacket and the sight of that makes him smile. His jacket is too big for her, the sleeves go past her hands and the material drapes her like a dress. She looks like a little kid in it, all warm and bundled up. But then his smile fades as he reminded that the reason why he wanted to take her today was so that they could relive their childhood of going here every single year but that's changed now. And she doesn't seem to mind it. She's distracted by that boy who was standing next to her._

 _The boy is staring at her instead of the fireworks. Rey doesn't notice though, her eyes are locked on to the colors bursting one after the other. Her eyes are large and full of awe, they always have._

 _"It's beautiful, isn't it?" his girlfriend exhaled, squeezing his hand._

 _Kylo turned and looked at her. She was looking at the fireworks too but her gaze wasn't as warm and heartfelt as Rey's. When Rey stares at something, she looks at it with full intensity and care and sensitivity. Rey's gaze is special and you're lucky to witness it or to be the reason why her eyes glimmer like that. His eyes went heavy at the sight that was across from him._

 _She smiles a lot but it's rare when she grins. She's grinning right now and he's knows what making her do so - it's the reminder that they get to share this moment together again despite the changes._

 _But then there's a shift._

 _It happens right before him before a second goes by._

 _Nathaniel takes her by the hand as the fireworks still go out one by one - takes her focus off of the colors and onto himself._

 _Kylo's skin tightened. He knows what's going to happen._

 _Rey opened her mouth until she realized how intense Nathaniel's mouth was - closed, concealed. She quiets then and blinks slowly. Her cheeks become pink and she tries to shy away - turn to the other side - but Nathaniel cups her cheek._

 _Kylo let go off his girlfriend's hand and tries to stop it._

 _"What are you doing?" Julianne asked, holding him back._

 _He doesn't answer and tries to go after them but she pulls him back._

 _"Don't," she tells him firmly._

 _He doesn't even turn to look her. He keeps his eyes locked on to the teenagers and how they were slowly leaning in to one another -_

 _The crowd shuffles at the finale and blocks the teenagers from his view._

 _"Don't ruin the moment Kylo! Leave them be -_

 _He yanked his hand from his girlfriend and runs after them in panic._

 _"Kylo!" his girlfriend yelled behind him._

 _He doesn't flinch. Doesn't bother to go after his girlfriend. Something came over him. He was panicking because this wasn't just a kiss. It was a first kiss but it was more than that. It was the first of what was yet to come. She's going to fall for someone someday and her lose her innocence to someone who doesn't give a damn about her. Kylo doesn't want that to happen to her._

 _When he finds them, they are sitting down on a bench talking to on another. They're holding hands._

 _The sight enrages him. Saddens him. Kills him._

 _Rey is the one that notices him. "Kylo!" she said grinning. "Did you see the fireworks? Weren't they nic-_

 _"Let's go home," his tone went hard._

* * *

 _Kylo and his girlfriend drove in separate cars because they had to bring the teenagers back before ten thirty._

 _"Thanks for today," Rey said. "Did you have a good time?"_

 _"Did you kiss him?" he asked, gripping into his steering wheel. His jaw was twitching and his eyes were barely on the road._

 _Rey blinked. She couldn't help but to be stunned. She expected her dad to act like this but not her cousin. Her cousin was the cool and understanding one but right now he was reminding her of her father. "No," she said calmly._

 _Kylo stopped in the middle of the empty road. Violently. The force of it makes Rey heave forward. "DON'T LIE TO ME," he yelled. "I saw you two holding hands tonight after the damn fireworks." He wanted to yank the boy from her but that was his girlfriend's nephew._

 _"I did," she responded then._

 _He winced as if she had slapped him. He became silent as if he was a child who learned Santa Claus wasn't real._

 _"Kylo, there's a car coming behind us," she said lowly._

 _He presses the gas pedal and wastes no time. "Did you...wanted it?"_

 _Rey blinked. "Why are you asking me -_

 _"Just answer me, Rey," he said slowly calming himself down. He took several breaths._

 _She nodded. "I did."_

 _"Did you like it?"_

 _"I don't know."_

 _"Rey."_

 _"I really don't know," her cheeks went red._

 _He knows because he eyed her to see her current state._

 _"It was my first kiss, it's hard to compare it," she explained. "But it was a nice. Nathaniel's nice. I hope to see him again."_

 _"You're not going to see him again."_

 _"Why not?" she asked, shaken by how dark his voice went._

 _"Because he lives far and it's kind of hard to sneak around with those circumstances."_

 _"Well it was nice while it lasted - why are you upset?"_

 _"I'm not," he grumbled._

 _Rey chuckled. "You are."_

 _"Well how would you feel if you just witnessed your cousin growing up?"_

 _"It was bound to happen."_

 _"I missed so much of your life but I still hoped you would have stayed the same," he frowned._

 _Her heart skipped a beat._

 _"I know it's stupid for me to hope for that. I know you're not a little girl anymore and that you're growing up - but can you please just grow up slower? Please don't be like those teenagers that try to grow up fast. Please, Rey don't be like me. Enjoy what's left of your youth."_

 _Rey gently squeezed his arm. "I promise."_

* * *

They get up early to prepare themselves for her dad's visit. Kylo vacuums and puts things away while Rey makes breakfast. She makes her dad's favorite: cinnamon pancakes, crispy bacon, coffee, and hash browns.

Uncle Luke comes by the same time as always, nine thirty sharp. He comes by every Sunday since she moved in with Kylo. Always.

Rey welcomes her dad with love and care. He reciprocates as well but it's laced with wary and disappointment. She notices this - _senses_ it but she says nothing. "How's my girl?" he asks her.

"I'm doing well."

"Are you experiencing any morning sickness? Any difficulties?" he asks, finally addressing the elephant in the room. He had a day to process it but has yet to find any peace with the status of his daughter.

Her cheeks went hot. "From time to time - but it's getting better. Kylo took me to the doctor last week and I'm on medication now to help with the nausea." And supplements, she wanted to add.

Luke nodded. "I see." He pursed his lips and turned to Kylo. "So you never really clarified, but how long have you known that she's pregnant?"

Kylo stiffened. "A while," he admitted, swallowing hard.

Luke raised his eyebrow. "How long is a while?"

"Two weeks," he lies. More like two months. "It was really hard for me to settle in the news."

"You should have told me as soon as possible - Rey are you sure that you want to go on with this? There are other options. You're not too far along."

She blinked. The idea of it terrified her. "I'm at the point when I can almost find out the sex of the baby."

"It's your choice Rey, I have no control in this but honestly I thought I taught you well about waiting. A girl your age shouldn't be engaging in anything with a boy."

"What's done is done," Rey said, staring at her father clearly. "And I want to keep the baby."

"That's fine by me," Luke says and he means it. "I trust you well enough that you understand the struggles of taking care of another life."

"I do, dad," she nodded. Her heart was beating rapidly but it was calming down at his words. He...still trusts her - he knows that she's thought about this for a while.

"I'll be lying if I said I'm thrilled about this. Honestly Rey, this - this is hard to swallow. This isn't like you. You're a good girl. You had such a bright future. How can you let this happen? You know about protection. Are you - how are you?"

"I'm clean," she said immediately. "I got checked - I'm sorry dad - it just - happened." She frowned. She dug her nails in to her palms.

"Luke," Kylo said gently. "You can't put all the blame on her. She's not the only one -

"That's another thing! Who is this boy?"

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. He doesn't want to be involved."

"That's not okay! He must take responsibility for his actions. I will not allow him to frolic around while you're youth is being taken away. I will find out who he is."

"It's fine I plan on raising the baby on my own -

"But you're not," Luke emphasized. "You say you are but you're not. Rey it's hard raising a child being a single parent. I know that from first hand experience. You think you're going to raise the child on you're own but you're not. You'll be having other people watch your child because you have responsibilities. You will barely get to see your child as someone else raises your him and her and miss out all the precious moments and milestones. And when you do manage to find time with your child - it's great but you will have no one to share those moments with. And then you somewhere down the line you realize your child is fully grown and you wonder how could you have missed so much time."

Rey swallowed the lump in her throat. "Dad -

"I'm not disappointed in you. I can never be disappointed." he petted her head. "I'm just sad that you're going to have the same life as I do."

"She's not going to be alone. I'm going to help raise her child," Kylo said.

"I appreciate that," Luke began. "But a child needs a father."

"I know I'm not the baby's biological father but it'll be better for the baby to have a father figure that adores him than none at all." Kylo felt himself stiffening even more. The words are like fire on his tongue, burning him. It's a lie. He's the father but he's too much of a coward to admit it.

"Thank you but before I can let this all settle in, I want to have a talk with the boy that got my daughter pregnant. Who is he?" Luke asked Kylo.

"I-I don't know," Kylo said keeping an indifferent expression. "She didn't tell me."

"Rey," Luke called out for her. "Who is the boy?"

Rey's jaw twitched. "I can't- it doesn't matter."

Luke frowned. "Why are you protecting him? Is he still in the picture?"

"No."

"Does he care for you? Does he want to be with you?"

"No," she said fighting back tears.

"You have to tell me his name. I assume he goes to the same school as you?"

"I can't say."

"Why?"

"He's a horrible person. I don't want him to be near the baby at all."

"I will find out Rey," Luke said as he headed out the door.

"Wait don't you want breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Dad please stay."

Luke exhaled and gave his daughter a warm smile. "Alright, sweetheart."

"Dad where you're going?"

"I just want to wash my hands first."

Kylo and Rey sat down at the dining table and waited for him. Rey poured coffee in her dad's cup and toasted some bagels.

"Your room is clean Rey," Luke commented as he sat down.

"Thank you," she laughed.

"You weren't like that at home."

"Hey! I made sure every room was clean. I wanted my room to be my messy safe place."

Luke laughed. "The bed's always made every time I pass by it. It looks so tidy as if you never sleep in in it."


	5. Chapter 5

_Rey likes Kylo's girlfriend. She's cool, sweet, and very nurturing. She's pretty too and has the type of freckles Rey always wanted - on the peachy gold side and faded. Julianne even likes the same type of music as her. That all aside, Rey likes Julianne but she doesn't like it when Kylo brings his girlfriend on their family nights._

 _They're something off about it. When Julianne's there, everyone's on their best behavior. Even her aunt and uncle who always fight. Even Chewey is on his best behavior._

 _Julianne doesn't belong there. She's not family - but she will be family, Rey reminded herself. Kylo's going to marry her someday and she'll be a very nice edition to the Solo/Skywalker clan. It's just everything's finally settling down and then Kylo decided to ruin it with bringing his girlfriend._

 _When Julianne's here, everything feels so formal. Like, Rey has to make extra treats that Julianne would like because she's a vegetarian and dad has to pull out an extra chair from the closet. Even Uncle Han wears something more suitable opposed to his worn out holey trousers he had since the eighties and Aunt Leia doesn't drink as much. Usually when it's just the family Aunt Leia drinks for three. Yeah, the pairings are even when she's here but Rey doesn't like that. Usually Rey is paired off with Kylo but when Julianne's around, that's spot is taken and Rey's partnered with Aunt Leia. Rey likes it better when it's the cousins against the adults during games._

 _But it's not much of an issue. Aunt Leia and Uncle Han love Julianne._

 _Tonight, it's Aunt Leia's turn to make the food. She makes a spread of cheese fondue with cut raw veggies, cooked baby potatoes, pretzels, breads, fruit, and different types of meat. The whole family (plus Julianne) are all seated down, dipping away. The food's good and all but Rey doesn't like it as much because she never feels full off of fondue stuff._

 _"Rey, honey, you should try dipping the figs into the cheese," Leia says. "It's good."_

 _She nodded and did so. It was surprisingly good. It's tangy and savory. She was about to dip a mushroom into the fondue pot until she sees Julianne feeding Kylo. His mouth is wide open like an idiot and they're all giddy and stupid. Rey couldn't help but to scrunch up her nose in discomfort. She's not used to seeing her cousin act like this especially in front of the family._

 _"Gross," Julianne giggled at the sight of Kylo talking with his open mouth._

 _"You're gross," he mimicked and dipped a cherry tomato into the cheese. "Say ah," he said._

 _Julianne does so and lets him feed her._

 _Rey shuddered. They're a bunch of monkeys._

 _"They're cute aren't they?" Leia smiled._

 _"Yeah," Rey said._

 _"She's a good match for Ben. She'll be a good wife for him and a good edition to the family."_

 _Rey hesitated and stared down on her plate. She likes Julianne but she just can't imagine Julianne being a permanent member on family nights. But everyone loves her and when she's here, it's like they were all one happy family. "Yeah, she will be."_

* * *

 _"We should try to set up Nathaniel and Rey again," his girlfriend says during the car ride home._

 _Kyo smile faded just like that. "Why?"_

 _"Because they would be cute together, duh!"_

 _"I don't think you should be involved in their affairs. Besides, Rey just sees him as a friend," he kept his voice even._

 _"That's not what she told me."_

 _He immediately turned his head at her. "What did she tell you?"_

 _"Keep your eyes on the road," Julianne reminded him with a raised eyebrow. His shoulders were tensing and she didn't understand why._

 _"Well for instance, that she and him kissed at the amusement park."_

 _"That was a month ago. Nathaniel's probably into another girl."_

 _She shook her head. "No. He's still worked up on her. He thinks she's amazing. He tells me that they text each other even after that day. He told me he kind of wants to date her but is very hesitant because of the distance."_

 _He frowned. Rey didn't tell him that. Why didn't she tell him? "Well he's a point," Kylo said reasonably. "They're like fifteen something miles apart and she's not allowed to date."_

 _Julianne sighed. "It's just like Romeo and Juliet."_

 _Kylo winced. "What's so romantic about two teenagers meeting and falling in love and dying in the span of four days?"_

 _She laughed and rolled her eyes. "We should help them out -_

 _"I'm not going to waste my free time being a chaperone slash squatter! Besides we need more time together."_

 _"Well how about this? I got a way for us to kill two birds with one stone. Saturdays you're supposed to spend time with her right? How about instead she goes out with him while we spend time together. And at the end of the day you can take her home, so your uncle thinks she's been spending time with you."_

 _He frowned deeper. "I'm not going to be an accomplice of that scheme. My Uncle if he found out will give me hell. Besides we have to respect his way of parenting."_

* * *

Kylo remembers the first time he had gotten into a fight with Rey. He remembers it clearly, like the back of his hand. He was still with his girlfriend at the time and Rey was fifteen. "I know you must hate me right now," he says calmly through her yelling. They were having a heated argument because he was against her sneaking around with boys. "But trust me years from now, you won't and you'll understand I'm doing this because I care."

"You're a hypocrite," she bit every word out.

And she's right. He's a hypocrite. He ran away from home. He's been out of her life for years and thinks he can tell her what to do still. He's a hypocrite because months from that moment, he began to crave her. Want her. To a point he couldn't be around her - couldn't control himself whenever he's close to her. And they eventually had a sexual relationship with one another, explicit. They only slept with each other. He had been warning her and protecting her so long that he didn't see he was becoming the person he feared her to be around.

Their relationship is everything but sweet. Yes, there were tender moments but there was nothing sweet about it, he was in a sexual relationship with his teenaged cousin. Their relationship was dark. He was possessive of her, very possessive. But call it what you want, because despite everything, their love was real. He loves her, loves her more than anything and anyone.

They wait half an hour after her dad left to go into her room. He scoops her up, holds her in his arms like he always does and takes her slowly inside. It's been a while since they had been here. Yes, she goes there every day to get clothes and items but they haven't really been here. He lays her down gently and pulls the sheets over her body. He's quiet when he does this, lost in concentration and focus on the beautiful girl that he loved so much.

His eyes are dark and heavy. Locks of hair fell to his face.

Her little hands clutched the sheets to chest as she held her breath. He's so handsome, she thinks. She wants to say something but she doesn't want to break the moment. Her heart is pounding - her hands clenching to the sheets as he crawls to her slowly.

"I'm selfish," he says then.

She blinked. "What?" she asked.

He doesn't answer her. Instead he goes on. "I'm greedy."

Rey shook her head. She blushes at the sight of his muscles rippling. There's no expression on his face but this excited her for she knew that he was feeling every single emotion and was unable to process it. Towards her. For her. "You are," she tells him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She pulls him in and kisses him. "But I don't ever want you to change."

* * *

 _"I want to break up," those are the first words his girlfriend says on the phone._

 _He sat up immediately, no longer half asleep. He was left stunned and in panic. It was the middle of the night and she had called him - of course something was wrong. "What?"_

 _"I'm not happy."_

 _"Please tell me why - I can change." This - this was coming out of nowhere. No. Please. They've been together for years. "I love you - we can get through this. We always do -_

 _"I don't think we can. I've been trying to shake this feeling for months but I can't."_

 _"What feeling?"_

 _"Kylo please, it's over -_

 _"At least tell me, please. You're already breaking up with me on the phone. At least you can do is tell me why."_

 _"Kylo -_

 _"Julianne -_

 _Silence. A pause. His heart skipped a beat. "It didn't occur to me until last night why you're very protective of Rey. It's the reason why you prevented her from dating my nephew. You have feelings for her."_

 _He raised his eyebrow. "Feelings?"_

 _"You have feelings for her, in a very unhealthy way."_

 _"As in?"_

 _"Romantic feelings. Sexual feelings," she sounded flustered._

 _He laughed. The idea was ridiculous. Absurd. "Julianne, she's my cousin. Why would you feel threatened by her?"_

 _"How do you explain your behavior then? I never seen you act so possessive and jealous before in all the years we've been together."_

 _"I'm only looking out for her," he explained. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand where Julianne was getting such a ridiculous idea in her head._

 _"No. You're not. Ever since you came back into your family's life, things changed with us. Since you've been spending time with her, we've been...struggling in bed."_

 _Kylo went red. He hates when she brings that up. He doesn't know why he can't perform lately but it's probably just because he's stressed."I've been under a lot of pressure. Being with my family again brings me stress."_

 _"When you look at her - you look at her differently. You never look at me the way you do with her."_

 _"How?" he raised his voice, his temper bubbling. "How do I look at her?"_

 _"You look at in her in fondness, in awe. In admiration. And whenever she's near you, you focus only on her. You're more invested," Julianne's words are like venom. "You don't even notice that I'm there. You have feelings for her. It's not right Kylo. It's not right for you to have them and especially while you're with me."_

 _"You're just being paranoid. I don't have feelings for her. She's my family, Julie. I love you -_

 _"I don't want to be with you. Or be part of your family! At least I can finally understand why you left. They're something off about your family."_

 _"Off?" he frowned. "What are you insinuating?"_

 _"Well for starters your mom and dad. They always fight. Your uncle's another story too. Not only is he controlling of his daughter he's very attentive to your mom -_

 _"Hey you can't talk about my family like that!"_

 _"Come on. It's nothing new. You always complain about them -_

 _"Yeah but they're my family," he snapped, becoming very defensive. "We should end this."_

 _"Yeah. We should."_

* * *

"I'm sorry buddy," he said, touching her belly. "I didn't mean anything I said earlier."

Rey chuckled. "The baby's okay. The baby forgives you - what do you want to baby to be?"

He bit his lip and thought for a moment. "I don't know. I don't really have a preference. I'll love the baby regardless of their gender or what gender they decide to have when they're older."

She chuckled. "Same." She really doesn't care what the baby will be. Boy or girl - that doesn't matter to her. All she wanted was a healthy baby. They're already was a slight chance for some sort of health defect, and all she wanted was a happy healthy baby. And even if there was something wrong with their baby, she'll love the baby with all her heart. No matter what.

"I'm really sorry, baby," he says again.

"Kylo!" she laughed. "The baby's fine."

He kissed her belly regardless, nuzzling his nose against her skin. She's showing a bit but not as much. It's a bit weird to Rey for him to coo over their baby when the baby was still growing and tiny. But she doesn't mind, he's bonding with the baby. Their baby. Once he was finished laid on his back and rolled her to lay on top of him.

She kissed him then.

"When's the last time we've been here?" he asked, there's a lopsided smile on his face.

"Probably after the night you impregnated me," she laughed. That was three months and something ago.

"Shit." He remembers that night.

"Idiot," she laughed. She remembers it, that was the last time they slept in her room in the last couple months.

He gives her a sloppy kiss in response. A wet kiss, the slurping kind.

"I don't regret it," she giggled as he sucked on her neck. He does this thing when he sucks very roughly - that it tickles.

"I don't regret it either."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Text

 _He was angry at her. He knows he shouldn't be rationally but he was. He was angry at his cousin. Furious. Because maybe his ex's claims weren't completely off. **Does** he have feelings for her? No - but why is he angry at Rey? Why isn't he angry at himself or Julianne?_

 _She had nothing to do with this but why does it feel like she did? He wonders during family night. He had missed family night three times in a row since his breakup. His family didn't mind, they understood he needed some time. Here he was, in the background as his family laughed with one another about something as they played cards. He can barely focus on what he had in his hand, his eyes were transfixed by her._

 _"Kylo," she says his name._

 _And that pulls him out from the trance she has him in. "Yes?"_

 _"It's your turn."_

 _"Oh." He immediately placed down whatever cards that seemed to match._

 _"Are you alright?"_

 _He blinked. "Yeah, I'm fine."_

 _"Are you sure?"_

 _He doesn't look at her this time. Instead he focused on what was in his hand. He quickly took out another matching card. "Yeah."_

* * *

 _Maybe it's some Freudian shit. Because the more he sees her now, the more it's hard to keep himself from staring. Maybe it's because being away from her so long has got him all messed up in the head. For fuck's sake he was there on the night she was born. He got to hold her too even though he was seven years old or so. He remembers it, remembers being that age and the feelings he was experiencing - feelings of awe and fascination at the bundle of life. He touched her several times when she was still in his Aunt's belly. He was too young to comprehend how Rey got there but he knew she was something special. He remembers the child him being very excited to have a cousin and kept asking his aunt and uncle when she'll come out._

 _These feelings he has for her now don't make sense. For fuck's sake he just got out of a relationship. Why is he feeling something for his cousin out of all people? Maybe it's because he's in the rebound phase or something and desperate for someone to fuck. He hates it - what his ex had said. Ever since Julianne said he had feelings for Rey, it opened some Pandora's box and shit. He was doing just fine before his ex became insecure._

 _Every Friday is family night. And with every new Friday he dreads going more and more. He dreads seeing her - being next to her - inhaling her shampoo. He tries to look away when she laughs and smiles but it's hard not to, her eyes are bright and her smile is warm. Rey, that's why she's called Rey. It's hard not to look at her, to be in awe in the light she gave._

 _Sometimes his gaze wonders below her face. He tries to stop himself by recalling a memory of their childhood together - like how he would always carry her around and pull her in her wagon. But those memories turn dark quickly for he remembers how they used to cuddle with one another. She was a kid then - hell he was a kid too it was acceptable for them to do that. They used to cuddle on the couch watching whatever movie his mom put on while she did her work. And they used to cuddle a lot especially during the winter when it was cold. He misses that, misses when they were able to do that. They're way too old for it be acceptable._

 _Kylo froze._

 _Was...was that the reason why he hated cuddling so much? Because he connected it to Rey? And that it made him feel sad because he left?_

 _"Kylo, are you okay?" Rey asked, touching his knee._

 _He flinched automatically. "Don't touch me," his tone was hard._

 _"Sorry - you blanked out -_

 _"I'm going out for a smoke," he mumbled._

* * *

 _Nights are hard for him to sleep now. Every night he's plagued with memories of cuddling with her that he's starting to miss it. Crave it. Now and then he wonders even in the middle of the day how it would be like to cuddle with her now. Years had passed - but would it feel the same? Would it be innocent still? Or would it make him want more?_

 _There's no way he could get turned on by her. She's so small and flat in both departments. But maybe that turns him though that she's so small. As a kid, he didn't mind having a cousin that wasn't his age. He was actually pleased in having a little cousin to look after and look up to him. As an adult, her size really turned him on. He can overpower her - can make her come so easily -_

 _No these thoughts shouldn't exist._

 _This was becoming dangerous._

 _Slowly he stopped being around again._

 _Maybe it would be better if he had never come back._

* * *

 _It isn't until his mom's birthday that he does come back. He had been purposely away for a few months but makes today an exception. He had missed his mom's birthday for the last seven years, he couldn't miss another year. He gets her a matching sweater set and her favorite flowers._

 _Naturally Rey is there._

 _Of course she would be, she's family._

 _He avoids her. Makes sure there's no empty time slots for her to speak to him. He does this by keeping busy with his phone or starting a conversation with mom._

 _But he underestimates how persistent she is. It isn't until he goes outside for a cigarette is where he's left cornered._

 _"You've been avoiding me," she says slowly._

 _He proceeded to light his cigarette. He shrugged. "I've been busy."_

 _"Have I done something wrong?"_

 _He ignored her and smoked his cigarette._

 _She pursed her lips. He pretends he's not looking at her but he is, from the corner of his eyes. It's hard to look away._

 _"You missed my birthday," she says then._

 _He exhaled, puffing out smoke to her face. "I don't know why you're bringing that up since it's my mom's birthday today," he said coldly._

 _"Have I've done something wrong?" she asks again, fanning the smoke away from her._

 _He doesn't answer._

* * *

"You broke my heart that night," she whispered, recalling the emotions he caused. "You just stood there. Without saying a word."

Kylo swallowed hard. "You know I was trying to protect you from this." He latches on to her hand. He should have been crueler. Should have. And then she wouldn't be in the mess he made.

"I was so confused before this happened. You kept pushing me away. You were angry. Moody around me. Without any explanation. I spent months wondering what I did wrong for you to be that way."

He frowned and stroked her hair. He hated when she brought up the times he had hurt her. And he hurt her many times. "Rey -

"I'm not hurt anymore," she assured him. "I just want to let you know what I was feeling. I kept blaming myself. I thought you hated me. That time, it felt like you were gone again, except it was worse. You were gone but your body was still here."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I shut people out. Especially you. I care about you the most." He pulls her closer to him on the bed.

"I used to leave you a voice message every single day when you were gone. You never responded but I kept hoping you would answer and come back home."

"I know."

Rey felt as if he had stabbed her in the back. "You knew? Why didn't you ever respond to me?"

"I found out when I came back home. I left my phone at home when I ran away, Rey. I was afraid my parents would have used it as a way to track me so I left it. I'm surprised they didn't find it in my hiding spot."

"Where did you keep your phone?"

"Underneath the floorboards of my room. I got my phone on that night of mom's birthday." Kylo couldn't help but chuckle. "When I turned my phone on, it was swamped with nothing but your voice messages." And his parents too but that's not the point. "I had to buy a charger from Ebay in order to listen to all your messages."

"You listened to all of them?"

He nodded. "Every single night until I reached to the last message. It took me a few weeks to go through them." Those voice mails were comforting. To hear her voice - to hear her grow and change - was a blessing. They were time capsules of all the years he had missed with her. Those voice messages preserved her as she was but they were also a curse. Torture. It brought him pain to listen to them - they constantly reminded him of how much he had been away and all the times he had failed to protect her. In all the messages, her voice was fragile and she sounded so terrified. Every message she wished he was okay and begged for him to return home. It was also strange to hear her call him by his first name. It felt as if she was talking to someone who was dead. And maybe that wasn't too far off. Ben Solo was dead. "But I calculated them," he said, refuting her claim of leaving him a message every single day that he was gone. "You stopped calling me when you were twelve."

Was he hurt that she stopped sending him messages? Rey couldn't help but to be surprised. "I got older. I figured you weren't going to come back."

He couldn't help but to frown. She had given up on him years ago. "Was that when you grew up?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." Grow up. As in lost your faith. Your child innocence. Grow up and becoming focused on being another adult in the household.

She thought about it. "I guess that is." She was in middle school then and had just gotten her period, she had to grow up. It was a wake up call. She had to let go of him and learn how to take care of herself and her dad.

And that kills him. What if he had come back earlier? How would things change? Would he have feelings for her? Or would things be the same like when they were kids? They'll never know the answer because that's in the past. They can't change what had happened.

"Did you miss me?" she asked.

"I missed you every single day," he breathes. Vows.

And that was enough. They rarely said 'I love you' to each other. To them, those words didn't have much meaning compared to missing someone. The word 'love' was unconditional while the word 'missing' was sadness from absence. Their love was unconditional but the years of missing one another had made it into something else.

Stronger.

They were more than in love.

They were linked.

She kisses him then. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

And that was enough.


	7. Chapter 7

_Just like Kylo expected, Rey was being bullied. Uncle Luke should have known that taking position of her principal would create some friction in her life. Uncle Luke used to serve in the military when he was young and ever since then he ran everything like the military, at home and at work. Naturally the high school kids hated him. Kylo fucking called it too._

 _And poor Rey, people are using her like their punching bag._

 _But Kylo's not really worried because Rey fights back. She doesn't need any protecting, he knows well from their childhood. She's a feisty little thing since the second she learned to walk. He was there when Rey took her first steps - she took her first steps while Luke was away from work and mom was watching her. Rey's first steps were towards him. He was so excited, complimenting and encouraging the one year old girl as she giggled and moved her stubby little legs to get to him. He scooped her up and cooed - he was like eight years old at the time but he had been holding her since the day she was born._

 _But the thing is, when Rey fights back, she really fights back._

 _She doesn't start fights but she does finish them._

 _It's only been a month that her dad was principal and she already got into three fist fights with different students. This made Uncle Luke terribly worried about her safety and her record and if it'll affect her in the future when she does apply for colleges._

 _So long story short, Rey lives with Kylo now._

 _It's still taking him a while to get use to it. It doesn't feel like he's babysitting her, it feels like he has a roommate. And Rey makes a pretty good roommate. She makes food for the both of them and cleans not only after herself but the apartment. It's kind of nice and it balances out the fact Kylo lost the spare room. He has a spare room - it used to belong to his former roommate until the guy got promoted in another city. He used his spare room as a work out room but had to move his equipment to the corner of the living room so Rey can have her own space. It's not a big deal it's just seeing his stuff outside like that was a reminder that she lives her now and it's going to be for a while._

 _But the thing is, it's really hard for him to be around her. She gives him his privacy and all but he's not comfortable with masturbating while Rey is in the apartment. Even if she's asleep and he's in the other room with a locked door, it's still hard to relieve himself. He's afraid she'll hear. This is his baby cousin and he feels dirty for even having the urge to jerk off while she's in the same vicinity as him. He can't even bring a girl fucking home because he feels it's inappropriate. (Which it is, he's fucking trying to get laid and Rey shouldn't be around that). He's been going on dates since his break up. It's nothing serious or anything, they're just dates. Kylo shouldn't really be complaining because his dates don't mind if they go to their home but still._

 _It wouldn't be so bad living with her if she didn't make him feel so fucking horny. At home, she never wears a bra and she's always in her home shorts. It's not like she's going around naked in the apartment, she's just wearing something comfortable. She has the right too especially in the nights. His ex did the same thing too since sleeping with a bra was very, very uncomfortable. It's just he's not used to seeing her like this. He's used to seeing her covered up. And the thing is, he can't help but to stare at her breasts especially since the shirts she wears are so thin._

 _Her breasts are small but they're perky. Her nipples poke through every sort of fabric, even through hoodies and thick sweaters. The material she wears that really gets him off is when she just wears camisoles. It has some support and it's thin. Her nipples are very hard and thick in them. He can see the curve of her breasts perfectly in them._

 _If wanted to he could get a view of her breasts if he bent his head down-_

 _He doesn't want to feel this way around her._

 _"You should put on a damn bra," he muttered as he watched her put down a basket of laundry in front of him. She's wearing a tank top and he just saw her entire breasts from that brief second she dipped down. Her nipples are dusty rose and long. He pulled his gaze to change the channel on the TV._

 _Her face blushes. The pink on her face matches the color of her nipples._

 _Fuck stop it. Stop thinking about her damn breasts. He couldn't help it though._

 _She hugged her chest then, realizing that he caught a glimpse. "Does it bother you?" she asked indignantly._

 _"Yeah," he mumbled._ Her breasts look so soft and tender and really, really sensitive. The more he saw of them, the more he ached to suck on her aroused nipples.

 _"It shouldn't bother you. It's just skin."_

 _"Would you be okay if I walked around here shirtless and in my boxers?" he countered._

 _Rey scoffed._

 _"What?"_

 _"You practically do that every time I bring a friend who's not a girl over to study with. As if you working out can ever intimidate anyone."_

 _"First of all, don't blame me when my workout routine falls under the same timeslot that you bring your friends over." When Kylo works out, he sweats like crazy and doesn't bother wearing a shirt. But he does have shorts on, as in work out shorts. "It's not like I'm fucking naked."_

 _"And it's not like I'm fucking naked either! I'm wearing a damn shirt and pants!"_

 _His jaw twitched. "Just wear better shirts then," he mumbled. He doesn't want to continue any longer with this conversation. He might end up saying something stupid and make her think that he's damn pervert. "I'm going out for a smoke."_

* * *

 _Rey hoped that moving in with him would ease the tension between them. It didn't. He's moodier since she moved in. Even when she brings her new friends over to study. But it's nothing serious. For one thing, she likes her new school way better and has met good friends. Her main group is Rose and Finn. They are very funny and easy going. Finn's the serious one of the group and is on the school's football team. He is goofy but next to Rose, he looks serious. Rey met Rose in the Physics Club. Anyone near Rose Tico looks serious compared to her. Rose is always excited and cheerful. Rey likes that. Sometimes it's overwhelming but she doesn't mind._

 _Today Rose is over. Finn has football practice but will come by tomorrow._

 _Kylo is working out right now._

 _Rey knows damn well that he's only doing it to prove a point._

 _She ignores it though._

 _"You're cousin's kind of hot," Rose whispered the second Kylo goes to the bathroom to shower. "Even though he is a grouch." Rose couldn't help but to giggle._

 _Rey scrunched up her nose._

 _"You have to admit that he's ripped."_

 _"You're gross, Rose. That's my cousin."_

 _Rose shrugged. "So have you told him that you've been talking to Nath-_

 _Rey covered Rose's mouth with her hand. "He doesn't know. Don't say anything here."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"Kylo doesn't like him."_

 _Rose's eyes widened. "Does he know that Nathaniel goes to the same school as us?"_

 _Rey shook her head. "Don't say anything, please," Rey said desperately. Even though Kylo was showering it was something that she didn't feel comfortable discussing in the apartment. This was Kylo's apartment. It didn't feel right talking about boys._

 _"Well it's not like you and Nat are dating. You guys have been just talking -_

 _"Rose."_

 _"Sorry!" Rose quieted down._

* * *

 _So here's the thing about Finn. Rose has a crush on him but Finn has a thing for Mr. Dameron, their English teacher._

 _Rey keeps telling Rose that Finn's not interested and Rey keeps telling Finn that Mr. Dameron is too old for him. Mr. Dameron is even older than Kylo. Mr. Dameron is thirty two years old but is really good looking. And hot._

 _Rey wants to tell Rose about Finn's crush but she's under oath by Finn to not tell anyone. Finn's not exactly out of the closet yet. It's hard since he has to put up a tough front with the football team. Everyone in high school thinks Finn's just like any other jock but he's not. He's nerdy and goofy and is well rounded._

 _She doesn't blame him for having a thing for Mr. Dameron. Mr. Dameron is cool and brings his dog Baby around whenever the sitter calls out. Is it bad of her to look forward in seeing Mr. Dameron's dog more?_

 _"You've been seeing your friends a lot," Kylo said before Rey could touch the doorknob._

 _"I like them," she said. Well actually today she was going to hang out with Nat._

 _"I miss spending time with you," he said as typed some things on his laptop. They put the whole family Fridays on hold since Rey's dad and his dad have been busy. And whatever free time Kylo has he goes on dates._

 _Rey blinked. "Really?"_

 _He nodded. "We live together but it feels like I hardly see you."_

 _"You don't," she said. He works and she goes to school and is in two clubs._

 _He shrugged carelessly. "Been busy kid, what can I say?"_

 _He sounded playful. And not an asshole._

 _"It's okay."_

 _"How long are you going to be out?"_

 _Her ears went red. He's never asked that before. He's usually gone when she goes out and whenever he's here, he never says a word. "Um a few hours."_

 _"A few hours?"_

 _She nodded._

 _"Well come back by nine, okay? I want us to watch a movie together."_

* * *

 _"That's not a good idea," Nathaniel said._

 _Rey frowned. "It's not?"_

 _"He'd flip out if he found out we're dating."_

 _"I feel bad sneaking around though."_

 _"You're cute, Rey," he chuckled. "How's it like though, living with him?"_

 _She raised her eyebrow. Why...why was he asking? She always complains to him about how much of an ass Kylo is. "It's okay. Not the best and not the worst."_

 _"That's good."_

 _"Why'd you ask?"_

 _Nat shrugged. "Julianne's convinced that he has a thing for you. She's worried that he might be touching you or something."_

 _Rey laughed. "No wonder why Kylo broke up with her. Is she honestly threatened by me? I'm his cousin."_

 _"Julianne was the one that broke up with him," Nat corrected, frowning._

 _What? "Yeah, but she broke up with him over a stupid reason," Rey defended._

 _"Julianne's not crazy."_

 _"And Kylo's not some sexual predator! What's the fucks wrong with you and Julianne? He's my cousin! He doesn't see me like that!"_

 _"Rey, how do you explain the way he acts around me?"_

 _"First of all we were sneaking around. Of course he would be upset," she recalled to Nat about when they used to sneak around before she changed schools. "He's just protective," Rey said firmly._

 _"Protective? Finn says that Kylo's always half naked whenever he's at your place."_

 _"He's just working out - his equipment is in the living room since I moved in," she explained._

 _"Sounds to me like he's marking his territory."_

* * *

 _She breaks up with him and comes home early. She heads to her room and locks it._

 _"Rey, what's wrong?"_

 _She hears Kylo knocking._

 _"Nothing!" she shouted, burying her face into the pillow. She's not crying. There's just hot frustrated tears. She's upset that Nat was being paranoid. God that family is fucking nuts. Earlier Nat had accused her of being into her cousin. That fucking family is nuts. No wonder why Kylo was so angry over his breakup with Julianne._

 _"It doesn't sound like nothing."_

 _"Get out. I just want to be alone!"_

 _"Rey," his tone is sharp._

 _She doesn't listen._

 _"Rey, open the fucking door!" he's banging on it._

 _She doesn't answer._

 _"Please," his voice went soft._

 _She freezes to the sound of his voice. His voice never sounded so soft before. She got out of the bed and scrambled into her home clothes before letting him in because lying on your stomach with a bra on hurts like hell. The wires poke at her. Before she can say anything he hugs her, hugs her tight. She freezes again because it's the first time that he hugged her in a long time._

 _"What's wrong?" he asked._

 _She tries to untangle herself but he doesn't let go. He wipes her frustrated tears from her face._

 _She doesn't answer._

 _"Did you and Nat break up?"_

 _She looked up. "How did you know -_

 _"I'm not a fucking idiot, Rey."_

 _She couldn't help but to laugh._

 _He gave her a small smirk._

 _"How did you know?"_

 _"For one thing you rarely put on makeup. And the only time you do is when you're with him. And that your friends usually pick you up and honk."_

 _"Fuck."_

 _Kylo laughed. "You okay?"_

 _"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just angry. Not hurt."_

 _"You sure?" he asked as he wiped more tears on her face._

 _"Yeah."_

 _"God you're makeup keeps smearing," he laughed. "You look like the matchmaker from Mulan."_

 _"It's your damn fault."_

 _"How is it?"_

 _"You keep touching my face."_

 _"You're crying that's why and you have a running nose. How can I not not touch your face?" he wiped her nose with his hand._

 _She crinkled her nose. "You're gross."_

 _"I know."_

* * *

 _"I'm sorry I don't feel like going out," she said._

 _"I figured since you're in your home clothes. It's okay, we can just watch a movie at home."_

 _"That's a good idea. Since you rarely use your Netflix."_

 _"I do!"_

 _"Only when the shows update but you don't use it on a regular basis."_

 _Kylo shrugged and ignored her. "What do you want to watch, brat?"_

 _Rey thought about it but nothing came to mind. "I don't know, anything."_

 _"Okay." He puts on whatever. "You cold?" he asked, seeing her tremble and hugging her arms on the couch. They're only a pillow space apart but he never felt so far from her. And that says something. He had been away from her for years but didn't feel so far away from her until now._

 _She nodded._

 _Immediately he went to his room and grabbed his blanket. "Here," he said as her wrapped the blanket around her. He wraps her into a burrito and all. He couldn't help but to chuckle. It reminded him of old times and how he had to keep her warm. "Do you remember how much I had to wrap a blanket around you?"_

 _"Every time I was at your house. Every time it went dark," she laughed._

 _"Your face is still stained in your fucking tears," he commented, chuckling. He takes off his shirt then. He rolled the fabric into a ball and damped it with a few flicks of his tongue. "Stop moving," he said as he wiped her face clean._

 _"You're using your shirt with your salvia," she frowned._

 _"So?"_

 _"It's gross."_

 _"You're gross." He ignored her and held her face in place as he cleaned the rest of the makeup off. "There." He sat down and pretended to watch whatever was on._

 _"Aren't you cold?" she asked in amazement. After he cleaned her face he just threw his shirt on the floor just like that._

 _He shook his head. "Not really."_

 _"Come here," she said offering him some of the blanket._

 _He accepts it without thinking. He couldn't help it. It was natural for him to go to her - to be wrapped up in the same blanket with her. They always shared a blanket whenever they watched a movie together. Or they used to until he left home. It didn't occur to him how much he missed being so close to her until it was offered. As kids, they used to snuggle up with each other. Fuck he misses that. He knows he shouldn't miss it, but he does._

 _Through the movie, he keeps his space though. Even though they are sharing the same fucking blanket he doesn't hold her. No, he just sits upright. And she doesn't cuddle with him either. She keeps her space too. Never did Kylo felt so distant from her._

 _"I miss this," Rey said._

 _"I missed this too."_

 _Half way through the whatever movie, she falls asleep and rests on his lap. He considers to carry her to her bed but he doesn't. Instead he stared at her. He misses that. He misses when she used to curl beside him and sleep._

 _Kylo couldn't help but to wonder if they cuddled again, would it be the same? Or would he feel something more?_

* * *

 _He wakes up in the middle of the night and finds her sleeping on top of him. The movie had stopped playing a long time ago and he had fallen asleep somewhere down the line. She's curled up against him, her skin on his chest. She was hugging him, snuggling against him._

 _Her nipples are touching his chest and he can feel them. He can feel her. She feels so warm. She's aligned perfectly at his dick. She feels so warm down there. Fuck._

 _Involuntarily he bucked his hips to her._

 _Fuck._

 _Stop._

 _He has to get out._

 _But it's hard to slip out when she's on top of him. He doesn't want to wake her. He doesn't want to explain why there was a bulge in his pants._

 _Not so smoothly he falls to the floor while trying to untangle himself._

 _"Kylo?" she yawned as she sat up. Naturally she woke up from the loud thud. "What's going on?" she asked as she looked down at him in confusion._

 _"Hey," he said, still laying on the ground. His heart was pounding. "Nothing. I just rolled over and fell," he said calmly. Fuck, his back hurts._

 _She chuckled, her long lashes hitting her cheeks. "You're silly."_

 _"Yeah," he laughed softly. God, why is his heart beating so fast? Just because she's looking at him with those pretty eyes of hers and that he has a really good view of her legs. She chose to wear shorts and he can see how soft her skin is._

 _"Did we fell asleep?"_

 _"I guess so," he laughed again. But it was hollow._

 _God she looked so pretty. It felt like he was staring at an angel who was hovering over him. Her hair is all soft and her lips are glossy. He doesn't know how her lips are never chapped. His are always peeling and dry no matter how many times he put on chapstick._

 _"You okay?"_

 _"I'm fine - fuck. My back hurts," he winced. It really hurts._

 _She helps him get up but the second he met her face he slipped and fell again. On his back. Again._

 _"Fuck!" he screamed._

 _"Kylo!" she said. "You okay?"_

 _"I don't...know," he admitted. He took her hand again as she helped him up. He was about to stand up the second he got on his knees until he saw her chuckle. He kisses her then, kisses her right on her mouth._

 _She slapped him then, slapped him on his face._

 _He pulled back immediately, his senses coming to him. Why...why did he do that? He didn't want to do that. "I'm sorry," he swallowed hard. "I-I didn't know what came over me."_

 _Rey slapped him again._

 _Fuck she hits hard. But he deserved it. He can still feel her handprint on his cheek. He stared at the floor in shame. "I'm really sorry -_

 _"I hate you," she said._

 _He winced. It hurts, hearing her say that she hates him hurts more than if she beat him up. It sounded like she was on a brink of crying._

 _"I'm really sorry." His eyes flickered up and he stared at her feebly. "I promise I won't do it again."_

 _She looked crestfallen - as if he had hit her. There's horror in her eyes and at the same time she looked heartbroken. He feels her feeling of betrayal. It's strong. He feels like a little shit. His heart was beating rapidly, waiting for her to respond._

 _"Please, Rey I promise I won't do it again -_

 _"Is it true?" she demanded._

 _"What's true?"_

 _"That you have feelings for me."_

 _"Yes," he admitted. He's already in hell, let's just dig a deeper hole while he's at it. He just kissed his cousin and worse, his underaged cousin. Yeah, she's sixteen but she's still a child._

 _"Is that why you've been pushing me away?"_

 _"Yes," his voice was hoarse. "I'm sorry -_

 _To his surprise, she kisses him then._

 _His eyes widened for a moment and just like that she pulled away. She looked down as her face went red._

 _"Did you like that?" he asked, seeing confliction in her face. He sees hunger in her eyes, the same hunger he had. She kissed him for a brief moment and now he wanted another taste._

 _One._

 _Two._

 _Three._

 _Four -_

 _"Yes," she admitted. "How long have you had feelings for me?"_

 _"Since I came back."_

 _"You should have stayed. You shouldn't have come back," she said._

 _She doesn't mean it, he knew. She's just upset and confused. It's really shitty of him to kiss her after she broke up with Nathaniel. "I should have," he agreed in a low voice. "I felt attracted to you from the first second I saw you again." He touched her cheek and feels her heart on her sleeve. "Do you feel the same about me?" A decent person would have went away and give her space. But he wasn't a decent person. He's selfish and twisted and just wants her for himself._

 _Her eyes locked on to his eyes. "Yes-_

 _He kisses her again. But longer this time. She kisses him back and parts her mouth for him. He takes no time and shoves his tongue inside of her, to taste her. "I'm sorry I hurt you," he tells her. "I didn't want to - I didn't want this to happen -_

 _She wrapped her arms around him - he climbed on top of her then, climbing back on the couch to pin her down._

 _"But I want you so much," he said as he chewed on her lip greedily as his hand kneaded through her shirt._

 _He's so hungry. Starving._

 _He leaves a trail of his salvia as he dragged his mouth on her throat. She trembles so easily. She moans so easily as he left love bites on her. She tries to say something - tries to muster something herself but she was being pleasured. She liked it, he knew. She liked that he was touching her all over. He can tell by the way she kept touching his hair and bucking her pussy to his dick._

 _"Ben," she says his old name, curling underneath him. "You're so hard," she breathed._

 _"You make me so hard, Rey," he tells her as he lifted her shirt to see her bare breasts. "If we're being honest, I haven't been good in bed because I kept wishing it was you."_

 _Rey couldn't help but to blush._

 _She remained quiet, watching him touch them. He's very gentle and it was nice for her breasts were really tender. He groped them and then went to touch just her nipples and tease them a bit - stroking and then lightly pinching and plucking. She let out a little moan - he kisses her mouth again._

 _"How far have you gone?" he asked._

 _"Just kissing. Holding hands -_

 _"No touching?"_

 _She shook her head._

 _"Can I?"_

 _"Do you even have to ask?"_

 _They both laughed softly and then he moved to down and licks her nipples, one by one. Little strokes._

 _Rey winced. He's teasing her, she knew by the way he kept moving back. But then he latches on and he sucked hard. Fuck. His tongue is warm. She stroked his cheek as he sucked on her breasts. "I always liked your mouth," she said quietly. "It's soft. The only soft feature about your body." It felt good, him sucking on her breasts. He wasn't overly excited or rough because he knew. He was experienced, he knew how to pleasure a woman._

 _"I wanted to suck on your tits for a long time," he let out a satisfied growl. "You kept turning me on every time you moved. Especially when you're cooking. I just wanted to rub my dick on your ass and grope you and kiss your neck."_

 _She feels his hand lowering, slipping to feel her down there._

 _"You're pussy's already wet," he moaned, letting his fingers familiarize with her cunt. She's really warm and slick. She likes it too, he knew by the way she was literally purring and bucking her hips along his fingers. He dragged his fingers out of her pants and sucked his fingers clean. "Fuck you taste so good - can I?"_

 _"Do you even have to ask?" she laughed. She's wet, really wet. She didn't know her body can get this wet._

 _"Yes."_

 _She laughed. "You're silly."_

 _He kissed her again, trying to get her back into the mood. He put on a TV show then so they'll have something in the background when he ate her out. He put it on automatic too because he's going to take his time._

* * *

Their first time was something Kylo regrets. He regretted that her first time was on his couch and with him hours after she broke up with Nathaniel. He regretted it, how he kept going even though she was in pain. He kept trying to stop but she'll always assure him to keep going. And so he did. But the thing is, they wanted it. They really wanted it. Really, really wanted it.

And that was why they kept going and doing it.

But it was more than just because he was horny. He loves her, in love with her.

But right now, he loves her even more that she's holding their newborn child in her arms. Never did she look so sweet and loving than now. He kissed her forehead and sat down beside her on the hospital bed. "Thank you," he tells her in awe, staring at their son. Their son was born seven pounds and completely healthy.

He looked around before giving her a kiss. They were alone but he wanted to make sure.

"I love you," he tells her.

She smiled. "I love you too."

* * *

Their was something off putting about the delivery, Leia couldn't help but think.

For one thing, Rey only wanted Ben to be present while she gave birth.

Which was really odd. Sure, Leia understood why Rey didn't want Luke but not her? Leia was practically Rey's second mother.

But what was really off putting was seeing the baby.

The baby was healthy and beautiful - but there was something off. The baby looks like Ben. As in really, really looks like him. From the dark brown hair to the facial structure. But, maybe it's just their genes. The Skywalker genes were prominent but the thing is Leia can't see any of Rey in the baby.

"What's his name?" Leia asked Rey.

"Aiden," she said, yawning.

Poor thing, she just gave birth hours ago.

"Do you want to hold him?" she asked.

Leia nodded eagerly. "I was afraid you wouldn't ask. It's been a while - I forget how small babies are," she said as she held her grandnephew into her arms. "You're so precious," she said, admiring the baby's little mouth. "It'll be a while until I'll be a grandmother with Ben's inconsistent love life." She shot her son a cheeky smile.

Ben shrugged weakly.

Luke chuckled. "Consider that a blessing. You're far too young to be a grandmother."

"We're the same age."

"Still," he chuckled.

She was about to say something until she noticed something. The baby has a long nose. The Skywalkers don't have that. Ben has that but he got it from...Han. No - it couldn't be. The baby probably got it from his father -

"Can I hold the baby?" Ben asked.

"Of course," she said. Something was off. She couldn't help but to watch her son's ever move.

He looked very pleased to be holding the baby. And so did Rey.

The baby looks like him and that's something that Leia couldn't shake off.

* * *

"Is it me or does the baby look like Ben?" Leia asked her brother.

"Well Ben is related," he countered, shrugging. "Rey and Ben look alike."

"No they don't. Rey looks exactly like her mother and her baby doesn't look like her."

"Leia what does it matter if the baby doesn't look like Rey? Besides, it's too early. The baby's features are going to change."

Leia held her tongue.

* * *

The next week, Leia decided to drop by to see how Rey and the baby was doing.

She gave Rey the heads up and her surprise, the house is still clean. Spotless. And Rey doesn't look restless, in fact she's absolutely glowing. Her cheeks are nice and pink and her skin is clear and her hair looks thicker.

"You're glowing dear," Leia stated in awe.

"Really? I feel like crap," she laughed as she stirred the pot full of broth.

"You're glowing. It's hard to believe you just gave birth a week ago. How's motherhood dear?"

"It's hard but it's nice. I love Aiden."

Leia smiled. "Does Ben help out?"

"Yes he does, he's very helpful," she said as she turned off the stove. "Do you want some?" she asked. She made ramen and it smelled great.

"Yes please."

Rey chuckled. "Just wait, I'm going to chop some fresh veggies and onions."

Leia nodded and went to the bathroom to wash her hands. She was about to go to the living room until she noticed something. Rey's room. Her bed's made and there's no crib in it. No - she's only thinking things, Leia told herself.

The crib is in the living room and that relaxes her.

That maybe Rey moved it to hear the baby better.

This relaxes her.

To her surprise the baby wasn't inside the crib. The baby was asleep and resting on Ben. Ben lying on the floor with the baby on his chest. Leia's skin tightened at the sight. Ben was holding the baby protectively, stroking his back and smiling brightly.

She should be elastic because Ben's happy over the baby and hopeful that Ben would want to settle down and have a family, but she wasn't.

There was something was off about this picture.

"Hi mom," he said grinning.

"I see you're fond of Aiden," she said.

"Yes. He's so small." He lifted the sleeping baby up to his face and cooed. The baby was asleep sucking on his pacifier."He's a cute little guy, isn't he? The only thing is he hates his mittens and booties. He gets red and all riled up whenever me or Rey put them on him," he chuckled.

"He's cute," Leia agreed. She couldn't help but to frown. It was nice that Ben was helping his cousin but there was something disturbing about it. The way Ben was holding the baby was fatherly. It wasn't like a father, he was holding the baby as if he was _the_ father. Instinctively. Attentively. Seeing the two of them together, the resemblance was striking. "Ben," she began.

"Mom, it's Kylo."

Leia ignored him. "Ben," she began again. "Is this your son?"

Leia


	8. Chapter 8

_Her first time was with him, her cousin._

 _She lost her virginity on the couch._

 _In the middle of the night._

 _Her first time should have been with someone else, years from now. Both of them weren't religious but in every religion they knew about the first man and woman had children and their children got together in order to populate the world. They had to because that was all they have. Each other. And some things felt right._

 _He put her in the tub after they finished. Put her in hot water. She was bleeding from her first time. It wasn't much but it felt like it was wound to him, as if he had punctured her. He did though. He punctured her through. She didn't cry but she was tearing up now, wrapping her arms around her chest. In shame._

 _"I'm sorry," he whispered. "We can go back to the way things were."_

 _"Do you think it's that easy? You touched me. You felt me. I don't think we can ever forget that."_

 _He knelt down while she remained in the tub. "Well what are we supposed to do?"_

 _"I don't know. I just know we weren't supposed to do that."_

 _"I never wanted your first time to be like this."_

 _Rey couldn't help but to chuckle. "How was it supposed to be?"_

 _"Well not with me," he chuckled._

 _She followed as well._

 _"And with someone nice, years from now. Someone who loves you. And you weren't supposed to lose it on a couch."_

 _"What's a better place?"_

 _"I don't know. Sex never sounds romantic."_

 _"How was your first time like?"_

 _"It wasn't that great," he admitted blushing. "I had trouble putting a condom on and putting it in," he laughed. At least he put a condom when he had sex with his cousin. At the very least._

 _"My first time was nice."_

* * *

 _She should be at her high school formal._

 _And not here._

 _At the apartment._

 _"What are you doing here?" he asked. He was supposed to pick her up two hours from now. She was in a purple dress and her hair was curled._

 _"I took an uber home -_

 _"No I mean why are you here and not at the dance?"_

 _"I -I wasn't having much fun," she admitted, blushing._

 _"Rey. You can go out," he reminded her. "I want you to have fun." He frowned. He couldn't help but to feel guilty that she left her date to be with him. Her and her date were just friends but still._

 _"I rather be with you."_

 _"I don't want you to miss out on having a normal life Rey."_

 _"I tried but I couldn't. I just kept wishing you were there. What's the use of trying to have a normal life if you're not there?"_

 _Kylo opened his mouth but nothing came out._

 _"I just kept wishing I could have danced with you," she said softly, looking away._

 _"We can dance. No one's here." That's the least he could do_

 _"There's no music."_

 _"I can put music on. What song do you want?"_

 _She leaned and whispered it to his ear. It was her favorite song, the song that his mom used to sing to them. It was a slow song. A ballad. To know him is to love him, by the Teddybears._

 _"Do I have to keep my shoes on?" she asked._

 _Kylo laughed. "You don't have to. No one's here. It's just us. I'm not even wearing a suit or anything."_

 _Rey immediately kicked off her shoes. Abruptly. No remorse._

 _He smirked. "You're silly."_

 _She wrinkled her nose. "Do you know how to dance?"_

 _"No but neither do the high school boys."_

 _"Fair enough."_

* * *

 _They stumble. Their movements are stiff. And he doesn't know how to lead._

 _It's awkward. It's not smooth._

 _But so are they._

 _They're quiet and leave little sighs of laughter._

 _It's not how she imagined it to be._

 _It's better._

 _They danced until the music stopped. Rey kept going but he stopped. And stared at her. Only her._

 _His fingers touched her shoulders. She lingered still, unwavering. His fingers found her zipper. He slipped her dress off._

* * *

Sometimes things don't make sense.

They don't understand how they became attracted to each other.

They grew up together.

She was younger.

He was older.

But when they are together, everything feels right.

They could have gotten an abortion. It would have been easier. Smarter. Reasonable. Rational.

They could have had it easier.

But they never had anything that was easy.

The baby reminded that they could be more. That they could be something - have something instead of spending the rest of their lives hiding.

"Yes, he is my son," he finally answered.

* * *

Before Luke met Rey's mother, he was in love with someone else.

He met her when he was eighteen. Met her on his first day of college in a political studies class.

She was beautiful. She was intelligent. She was free spirited. She was the type of person who knew what she wanted in life and wasn't afraid to fight for it. She was an extravert. She made friends wherever she went.

Luke was the exact opposite.

He was very quiet. He was to himself. He was insecure.

But she liked him the way he liked her.

It was a surprise to him for he was plain. He was simple.

She was cultured. She was witty and charming.

They were complete opposites but they found every topic to talk about. And most shocking, he found always managed to make her laugh and bring a smile on her face.

She helped him grow. She made him into a better person. She gave him confidence. She gave him comfort.

And he adored her. He loved her the way she deserved to be loved. He cherished every moment he was with her and each time she smiled at him and hugged him. He kissed her like it was his last time.

She was his best friend. She understood him like no one else. They believed in the same things. They had the same values. They both wanted to make a difference in the world.

They were together for only two years. They were planning to get married after college.

Until that summer they decided to find out more about their biological parents.

And that was when they found out they were related.

They ended their relationship and found new people. But they didn't part ways.

They were each other's best friends.

They been through a lot.

He wanted to keep his promise that he made to her when they were together. That he'll always be there for her. By her side.

* * *

 **Leia**

Her son stood there, guarding her -Rey. His cousin. Her niece.

And she - Rey, was holding their baby.

Leia blinked.

"You shouldn't have kept this baby," Leia said quietly about her grandchild. She observed them, side by side. They're just little children to Leia. And she knew that she and Han and Luke were to blame. The two little children did something on their own without any supervision for the parents were too focused on their own woes. These two children did not know any better, did not know how to properly expressed their feelings. Leia should have known that their separation would have lead into something.

"I know," Ben said. "But he is healthy. And she and I are happy."

"I know," Leia said in acceptance. What's done is done. They all knew it. "Can I hold my grandson?" she asked.

Rey hesitated but nodded.

Leia had held the baby before but this was different now. With different lenses and frames. The baby was small but Leia felt weight to the child. She held Aiden closely and smiled softly. "You have to tell your father," she told Rey.

Rey shook her head frantically. "He will take Ben away."

"He won't," Leia assured, keeping her gaze onto the baby.

"And we have to tell my father," Ben told her. Leia could tell that Ben was tired of hiding.

"Don't," Leia frowned, her eyes lowering. "Your father would not understand."

* * *

There was softness in this boy. Shyness. Warmth. She had loved him. There were stars in his eyes. Dreamy eyed. He held her closer than anyone. Smiled wider than anyone. But she couldn't be with him. He was her brother. And they couldn't be together.

It was the greatest heartbreak in her life.

And for that she and Han never worked out. She loved Han but the not the way she loved Luke. It wasn't like she didn't love Han - she did honestly she wanted to love him as much as she loved Luke. And when it was over with Han and her, she was relieved. Leia was happy with her divorce with Han for she was tired of living a lie. She was happier being alone than to pretend to love someone - to pretend to be happy to someone who gave her half of himself.

But she wasn't innocent. She was guilty for leading Han on all these years. Little signs were scattered about and Han caught on. And Leia kept lying to herself and him that it was in the past.

But it's not in the past.

It managed to bubble to the present.

"I feel like we're responsible for this," Luke said, unable to look at her.

They were alone in his home, discussing the situation in the living room.

"The kids done this on their own," she reminded him. Luke and her kept their past a secret and they remained faithful to their significant others until they parted ways.

"I wonder how long has this been going on," Luke rubbed his forehead.

"They said it happened when he came back," Leia restated what the kids had told them earlier. "And I believe it. There were no little signs when they were children."

Luke sighed. "Your son shouldn't have slept with my daughter."

Leia frowned. She wondered when did he become so rigid. "My son isn't completely at fault," she said calmly.

"I'm aware but your son is older than my daughter, Leia. He knows better. He shouldn't have slept with her. She's still a child, Leia. And he's a grown man. We can't forget that."

"I know he's older but he's still a boy. I know he managed to support himself and put himself through college and have a career but he's still the a boy that ran away all these years ago. And for that I take responsibility for."

"So what are we supposed to do?"

Leia took a deep breath. "I don't know." The kids plan to get married when Rey turned eighteen.

"I wished they never decided to keep the child." If there was no child it would have been easier to separate Ben and Rey.

"I know you still love the baby. " Luke loved his grandson - their grandson.

"They're cousins, they're not supposed to be together."

"Technically it's legal here," Leia countered. Leia wasn't thrilled about it but it was socially acceptable.

"They grew up together, Leia. They shouldn't feel this way about each other."

"But they can. They can get married and have kids."

"It's not right -

"You mean it's not fair."

Silence.

"You're not upset about them."

Luke flinched. "What are you talking about? Of course I'm upset about them. Our children are together and have a child and been keeping it a secret. I have the right to be upset."

"Luke stop talking."

He does.

It wasn't fair. Luke and her didn't grow up together. They didn't meet until they were eighteen. And when they found out they had to end things. Not only was it illegal there was a higher chance of a birth defect if they had children.

And that was why they had to end their relationship.

* * *

 _Luke didn't want to be at this party but his mentor convinced him to. It's ten minutes in and he already regretted being here._

 _He didn't belong here._

 _Everyone's drinking and dancing and having fun while he was in the corner by himself. He wants to meet new people - he wants to get out of his shell - but he doesn't know how._

 _He contemplated about leaving - no it wouldn't work. His mentor Obi Wan would ask him how the party went and Luke wasn't good at lying. Luke bit his lip and tried to look busy._

 _He started to walk around then, trying to seem like he was okay._

 _But he wasn't._

 _He felt so nervous. He felt as if everyone was staring at him. Laughing._

 _He could barely breathe._

 _He was panicking._

 _Luke made his way outside and gasped for air, catching his breath._

 _Before he could let himself process what had happened he heard something. A sound. A sound of distress._

 _Luke followed the sound. And he found her - Leia in a car pushing off a strange man from her._

 _She and the guy were fully clothed. He was trying to make advances while she was trying to get out of the car._

 _"Stop - I said no!" she said clearly, clawing and punching him._

 _"Come on, baby you don't meant that," the man chuckled._

 _"I'm not your baby!" she shouted._

 _Luke immediately ran to her. He furiously knocked on the car. "She said no," Luke screamed._

 _The man laughed. "What are you going to do?"_

 _Leia punched him out then, knocking him out cold. "Thanks," she said to Luke, fixing her hair as she got out of the car as if it was nothing. "Thanks for saving me."_

 _Luke blinked, amazed how hard she punched. "I didn't really do anything."_

 _"You were a distraction, so you did help," Leia corrected with a smile._

 _"Are you alright?" Luke followed her. She heading back into the party. Luke couldn't help but to be perplexed and overwhelmed that she was unfazed that she almost got taken advantage of. Or worse, raped._

 _"I'm fine."_

 _"Are you sure?" Luke asked again. "Who was he?"_

 _"A really bad date and I'll tell you what he's not getting a second date," she laughed._

 _"Something tells me you have a lot of experiences defending yourself."_

 _"You have to learn fast where I'm from - you look familiar. Where have I seen you?"_

 _"I, um, I uh have a class -with you," Luke blushed, stammering. He knew it, of course a girl like Leia Organa wouldn't know that he existed. She's so friendly and social and talks to everyone except him. Everyone knew who she was. Everyone liked her._

 _"It's nice to meet you!" she beamed. "I'm Leia."_

 _"It's nice to meet you," he said trying to remain calm and believable. "I'm um, Luke."_

 _"It's good to meet you Luke," she held her hand then._

 _Luke hesitated but immediately shook her hand._

 _"Thanks for saving me again," she smiled. As if she needed to be saved. She knocked out that guy with one punch. And. Wow. She was really pretty. He's never been this close to her before - he's usually sneaking glances at her in class._

 _"You're w-welcome, Princess."_

 _"Wait did you just call me 'princess'?"_

 _Luke's mouth parted slightly. Did that just slip out? Did he just? "What? No," he immediately denied it, shaking his head frantically._

 _Leia shook her head. "No I think I heard correctly," she grinned playfully._

 _"No I didn't say -_

 _"You did!" she giggled. "You called me princess!"_

 _Luke blushed in embarrassment and shame. She thinks he's a freak and a creep now. "I'm s-orry," he immediately put his head down._

 _"No it's okay. I think it's cute and very, very sweet."_

 _He looked up and blinked._

 _"Really," she said. "It's the nicest thing that's happened tonight."_

 _"Are you sure you're okay?"_

 _"I'm really fine, now."_

* * *

"You actually approve of this? Of Rey and Ben being together?" Luke asked.

"Of course not but we can't tell them what to do."

"Rey's my little girl, Leia."

"What they did was wrong but do you want them to be go about with their lives unhappy?"

Silence.

"Do you think about it now and then?" Leia asked. "About how our lives would been if we didn't do the right thing?"

"All the time."

She felt tears trickling from her face. But kept them on. She's not afraid. "Tell me that you still love me."

"Leia."

"Tell me that you still want to see the world together."

He embraced her then. To stop. To stop bringing things from many years ago.

* * *

 _"Tell me you still love me," she said weakly, shaking her head._

 _He was quiet. "Leia - I can't." Everything was different now._

 _"Tell me you still want to see the world together."_

 _He didn't respond._

 _Her heart raced as her eyes burned. She shook her head. "Tell me you still want to marry me."_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _Leia shook her head as she started to cry. "No - no - tell me you still want our baby." She grasped his hand to touch her stomach. For him to feel something. To say something._

 _"We can't keep the baby - Leia you have to understand."_

 _"Well what are we supposed to do? We can't make this baby an orphan -_

 _"Leia we can't have this baby," he said gently. "There's a high chance that the baby might not be healthy. We can't do that to the baby."_

 _"No," she spat out._

 _"Leia."_

 _"No!" she screamed, hitting him. Sobbing. "Don't you even dare say it!"_

 _"Leia. We can't risk the chance -_

 _She hit him still._

 _He grabbed her and held her close to his chest._

 _She cried the whole night._

* * *

"We should have kept the baby," she winced pulling herself from him. She remembers it so well. She cried for months after the procedure. She remembers her body temporary being confused that the baby was gone. It haunted her. And it killed her when her only child ran away from home and grew up on his own. But Luke he was there for her. He was there for all of it.

"If we stayed we wouldn't have had Ben or Rey."

"We should let them decide their own choices. They already have a tough road ahead."

Luke sighed.

"What happened to you Luke?" she asked. "When did you get so cold?"


	9. Chapter 9

Before Luke met Rey's mother, he was in love with someone else.

He met her when he was eighteen. Met her on his first day of college in a political studies class.

She was beautiful. She was intelligent. She was free spirited. She was the type of person who knew what she wanted in life and wasn't afraid to fight for it. She was an extravert. She made friends wherever she went.

Luke was the exact opposite.

He was very quiet. He was to himself. He was insecure.

But she liked him the way he liked her.

It was a surprise to him for he was plain. He was simple.

She was cultured. She was witty and charming.

They were complete opposites but they found every topic to talk about. And most shocking, he found always managed to make her laugh and bring a smile on her face.

She helped him grow. She made him into a better person. She gave him confidence. She gave him comfort.

And he adored her. He loved her the way she deserved to be loved. He cherished every moment he was with her and each time she smiled at him and hugged him. He kissed her like it was his last time.

She was his best friend. She understood him like no one else. They believed in the same things. They had the same values. They both wanted to make a difference in the world.

They were together for only two years. They were planning to get married after college.

Until that summer they decided to find out more about their biological parents.

And that was when they found out they were related.

They ended their relationship and found new people. But they didn't part ways.

They were each other's best friends.

They been through a lot.

He wanted to keep his promise that he made to her when they were together. That he'll always be there for her. By her side.


	10. Chapter 10

Leia

Her son stood there, guarding her -Rey. His cousin. Her niece.

And she - Rey, was holding their baby.

Leia blinked.

"You shouldn't have kept this baby," Leia said quietly about her grandchild. She observed them, side by side. They're just little children to Leia. And she knew that she and Han and Luke were to blame. The two little children did something on their own without any supervision for the parents were too focused on their own woes. These two children did not know any better, did not know how to properly expressed their feelings. Leia should have known that their separation would have lead into something.

"I know," Ben said. "But he is healthy. And she and I are happy."

"I know," Leia said in acceptance. What's done is done. They all knew it. "Can I hold my grandson?" she asked.

Rey hesitated but nodded.

Leia had held the baby before but this was different now. With different lenses and frames. The baby was small but Leia felt weight to the child. She held Aiden closely and smiled softly. "You have to tell your father," she told Rey.

Rey shook her head frantically. "He will take Ben away."

"He won't," Leia assured, keeping her gaze onto the baby.

"And we have to tell my father," Ben told her. Leia could tell that Ben was tired of hiding.

"Don't," Leia frowned, her eyes lowering. "Your father would not understand."

* * *

There was softness in this boy. Shyness. Warmth. She had loved him. There were stars in his eyes. Dreamy eyed. He held her closer than anyone. Smiled wider than anyone. But she couldn't be with him. He was her brother. And they couldn't be together.

It was the greatest heartbreak in her life.

And for that she and Han never worked out. She loved Han but the not the way she loved Luke. It wasn't like she didn't love Han - she did honestly she wanted to love him as much as she loved Luke. And when it was over with Han and her, she was relieved. Leia was happy with her divorce with Han for she was tired of living a lie. She was happier being alone than to pretend to love someone - to pretend to be happy to someone who gave her half of himself.

But she wasn't innocent. She was guilty for leading Han on all these years. Little signs were scattered about and Han caught on. And Leia kept lying to herself and him that it was in the past.

But it's not in the past.

It managed to bubble to the present.

"I feel like we're responsible for this," Luke said, unable to look at her.

They were alone in his home, discussing the situation in the living room.

"The kids done this on their own," she reminded him. Luke and her kept their past a secret and they remained faithful to their significant others until they parted ways.

"I wonder how long has this been going on," Luke rubbed his forehead.

"They said it happened when he came back," Leia restated what the kids had told them earlier. "And I believe it. There were no little signs when they were children."

Luke sighed. "Your son shouldn't have slept with my daughter."

Leia frowned. She wondered when did he become so rigid. "My son isn't completely at fault," she said calmly.

"I'm aware but your son is older than my daughter, Leia. He knows better. He shouldn't have slept with her. She's still a child, Leia. And he's a grown man. We can't forget that."

"I know he's older but he's still a boy. I know he managed to support himself and put himself through college and have a career but he's still the a boy that ran away all these years ago. And for that I take responsibility for."

"So what are we supposed to do?"

Leia took a deep breath. "I don't know." The kids plan to get married when Rey turned eighteen.

"I wished they never decided to keep the child." If there was no child it would have been easier to separate Ben and Rey.

"I know you still love the baby. " Luke loved his grandson - their grandson.

"They're cousins, they're not supposed to be together."

"Technically it's legal here," Leia countered. Leia wasn't thrilled about it but it was socially acceptable.

"They grew up together, Leia. They shouldn't feel this way about each other."

"But they can. They can get married and have kids."

"It's not right -

"You mean it's not fair."

Silence.

"You're not upset about them."

Luke flinched. "What are you talking about? Of course I'm upset about them. Our children are together and have a child and been keeping it a secret. I have the right to be upset."

"Luke stop talking."

He does.

It wasn't fair. Luke and her didn't grow up together. They didn't meet until they were eighteen. And when they found out they had to end things. Not only was it illegal there was a higher chance of a birth defect if they had children.

And that was why they had to end their relationship.

* * *

 _Luke didn't want to be at this party but his mentor convinced him to. It's ten minutes in and he already regretted being here._

 _He didn't belong here._

 _Everyone's drinking and dancing and having fun while he was in the corner by himself. He wants to meet new people - he wants to get out of his shell - but he doesn't know how._

 _He contemplated about leaving - no it wouldn't work. His mentor Obi Wan would ask him how the party went and Luke wasn't good at lying. Luke bit his lip and tried to look busy._

 _He started to walk around then, trying to seem like he was okay._

 _But he wasn't._

 _He felt so nervous. He felt as if everyone was staring at him. Laughing._

 _He could barely breathe._

 _He was panicking._

 _Luke made his way outside and gasped for air, catching his breath._

 _Before he could let himself process what had happened he heard something. A sound. A sound of distress._

 _Luke followed the sound. And he found her - Leia in a car pushing off a strange man from her._

 _She and the guy were fully clothed. He was trying to make advances while she was trying to get out of the car._

 _"Stop - I said no!" she said clearly, clawing and punching him._

 _"Come on, baby you don't meant that," the man chuckled._

 _"I'm not your baby!" she shouted._

 _Luke immediately ran to her. He furiously knocked on the car. "She said no," Luke screamed._

 _The man laughed. "What are you going to do?"_

 _Leia punched him out then, knocking him out cold. "Thanks," she said to Luke, fixing her hair as she got out of the car as if it was nothing. "Thanks for saving me."_

 _Luke blinked, amazed how hard she punched. "I didn't really do anything."_

 _"You were a distraction, so you did help," Leia corrected with a smile._

 _"Are you alright?" Luke followed her. She heading back into the party. Luke couldn't help but to be perplexed and overwhelmed that she was unfazed that she almost got taken advantage of. Or worse, raped._

 _"I'm fine."_

 _"Are you sure?" Luke asked again. "Who was he?"_

 _"A really bad date and I'll tell you what he's not getting a second date," she laughed._

 _"Something tells me you have a lot of experiences defending yourself."_

 _"You have to learn fast where I'm from - you look familiar. Where have I seen you?"_

 _"I, um, I uh have a class -with you," Luke blushed, stammering. He knew it, of course a girl like Leia Organa wouldn't know that he existed. She's so friendly and social and talks to everyone except him. Everyone knew who she was. Everyone liked her._

 _"It's nice to meet you!" she beamed. "I'm Leia."_

 _"It's nice to meet you," he said trying to remain calm and believable. "I'm um, Luke."_

 _"It's good to meet you Luke," she held her hand then._

 _Luke hesitated but immediately shook her hand._

 _"Thanks for saving me again," she smiled. As if she needed to be saved. She knocked out that guy with one punch. And. Wow. She was really pretty. He's never been this close to her before - he's usually sneaking glances at her in class._

 _"You're w-welcome, Princess."_

 _"Wait did you just call me 'princess'?"_

 _Luke's mouth parted slightly. Did that just slip out? Did he just? "What? No," he immediately denied it, shaking his head frantically._

 _Leia shook her head. "No I think I heard correctly," she grinned playfully._

 _"No I didn't say -_

 _"You did!" she giggled. "You called me princess!"_

 _Luke blushed in embarrassment and shame. She thinks he's a freak and a creep now. "I'm s-orry," he immediately put his head down._

 _"No it's okay. I think it's cute and very, very sweet."_

 _He looked up and blinked._

 _"Really," she said. "It's the nicest thing that's happened tonight."_

 _"Are you sure you're okay?"_

 _"I'm really fine, now."_

* * *

"You actually approve of this? Of Rey and Ben being together?" Luke asked.

"Of course not but we can't tell them what to do."

"Rey's my little girl, Leia."

"What they did was wrong but do you want them to be go about with their lives unhappy?"

Silence.

"Do you think about it now and then?" Leia asked. "About how our lives would been if we didn't do the right thing?"

"All the time."

She felt tears trickling from her face. But kept them on. She's not afraid. "Tell me that you still love me."

"Leia."

"Tell me that you still want to see the world together."

He embraced her then. To stop. To stop bringing things from many years ago.

* * *

 _"Tell me you still love me," she said weakly, shaking her head._

 _He was quiet. "Leia - I can't." Everything was different now._

 _"Tell me you still want to see the world together."_

 _He didn't respond._

 _Her heart raced as her eyes burned. She shook her head. "Tell me you still want to marry me."_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _Leia shook her head as she started to cry. "No - no - tell me you still want our baby." She grasped his hand to touch her stomach. For him to feel something. To say something._

 _"We can't keep the baby - Leia you have to understand."_

 _"Well what are we supposed to do? We can't make this baby an orphan -_

 _"Leia we can't have this baby," he said gently. "There's a high chance that the baby might not be healthy. We can't do that to the baby."_

 _"No," she spat out._

 _"Leia."_

 _"No!" she screamed, hitting him. Sobbing. "Don't you even dare say it!"_

 _"Leia. We can't risk the chance -_

 _She hit him still._

 _He grabbed her and held her close to his chest._

 _She cried the whole night._

* * *

"We should have kept the baby," she winced pulling herself from him. She remembers it so well. She cried for months after the procedure. She remembers her body temporary being confused that the baby was gone. It haunted her. And it killed her when her only child ran away from home and grew up on his own. But Luke he was there for her. He was there for all of it.

"If we stayed we wouldn't have had Ben or Rey."

"We should let them decide their own choices. They already have a tough road ahead."

Luke sighed.

"What happened to you Luke?" she asked. "When did you get so cold?"


End file.
